Yeah, Right, Whatever

Cats really are evil! (h/t to Ian )

An otherwise “loving family pet” was shot dead by police after the tabby cat went berserk and terrorized a city family late last week, The Intelligencer has learned.

Oh, yeah. That's perfectly normal.

While her daughter was stroking the long-haired white and orange tabby in the living room, the feline leisurely walked downstairs.

But when Mickey emerged from the basement-area of the home, it was “ ... a different animal ... it looked as though it was possessed.”

Ears flat back, hair standing on end and eyes bulging, Mickey lunged across the dining room and attacked her daughter, biting through her jeans and slicing into her leg.

When the cat released its grip, it continued coming at the girl, shrieking and hissing....

While it ran wildly around the interior of the brick bungalow, the cat continued shrieking and began defecating throughout the home.

“You could actually hear the cat screaming from the other side of the street,” he said.

Why the parents didn't take a baseball bat to it at that point is beyond me. I mean, it's one thing for a cat to be in a bit of a mood, but... if you can hear a cat screaming from the other side of the street, something is just not right.

So, the police (and Animal Control, who, it seems, couldn't be bothered because they were in a meeting) answer the call. Can you imagine the poor officer?


So, the poor guy shows up to deal with Mickey's temper tantrum, only to find the Possessed Feline from Hell™.

Speaking to The Intelligencer on condition of anonymity, the constable said he had “ ... never seen an animal act like that before — it was like it was possessed or something, hissing and growling.”

The officer shot the cat square in the chest with his Beretta .40-calibre handgun.

“Even after he shot it, that cat was so hopped up — we’re talking about a little, eight-pound cat — Mickey ran down the hall into the bathroom and jumped into the tub,” the husband recollected. “He didn’t die for at least five minutes ... he was all nerves and adrenaline ... he wasn’t in his right mind.”

Dang. Sounds like Mickey got into someone's stash of speed or something. That might explain his protective nature toward the basement- that's where the good cat nip was hid. Either that, or he managed to open a portal to Hell and became possessed by some whacked out cat demon.

And, in case anyone was wondering... they have NO clue why the little monster went all Damien on them.

Government test results earlier this week confirmed the feline didn’t have rabies. An autopsy to determine the exact cause of the animal’s behaviour is not scheduled, however.

Like I said, cats are evil (and I base that almost entirely on the fact that I'm allergic to the little monsters. Cedar trees are also evil. And penicillin.) I mean, if a dog is going to go Kujo on you, he usually has the decency to foam at the mouth and act weird first. But, no... not this cat. He's all sweet and lovable and then CHOMP! There goes a chunk of your leg.

No, thanks. I'll stick with my nice, predictable, annoying dogs.