To read the tribute to SFC Marcus Muralles, please click here
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Learning from Terri
This is not a post about Terri Schiavo, her husband, Congress or the Courts. This is about what each and every person can learn from this horrific series of events.
Talk to your family. Let them know what you want. I'm not talking about just your spouse. Have a frank and uncomfortable conversation with your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your kids if they are old enough. Then, put it in writing- specifics, if possible. "Extraordinary means" is a little vague. Feeding tube? respirator? Which one? And when? Do you want to be kept alive if you are brain damaged? Or should it only be pulled if you are brain dead?
These are decisions that are very personal, depending on who you are and what you believe. You have to make your wishes known, or your family will make decisions based on their wishes, not yours.
And, although you might not agree with your family member's wishes, I believe you have an obligation to follow through with their wishes, not your own. Hubby and I had a talk about this yesterday. We don't agree on where the line is, but, if something were to happen, we would have to honor the other person's request. It would be difficult, but...
When Hubby was in-patient at Bethesda, his first roommate had DNR printed in huge red letters on his chart. I freaked when I saw this. I had talked to him several times, and, honestly, he didn't even seem sick. But he was sick... very sick... not leaving the hospital sick. His wife was right by this side the whole time. They moved Hubby to a new room one day, and his former roommate slipped away in his sleep that night. They had made him comfortable, and he faced the end of his life with grace and dignity. And I'm sure that his wife wanted him to fight on, but that was no longer an option. That is how I think most of us would like to go.
All of that to say... share your wishes with those you trust around you. Then PUT IT IN WRITING. Here are some resources to help. (h/t to The Other Beth)
Talk to your family. Let them know what you want. I'm not talking about just your spouse. Have a frank and uncomfortable conversation with your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your kids if they are old enough. Then, put it in writing- specifics, if possible. "Extraordinary means" is a little vague. Feeding tube? respirator? Which one? And when? Do you want to be kept alive if you are brain damaged? Or should it only be pulled if you are brain dead?
These are decisions that are very personal, depending on who you are and what you believe. You have to make your wishes known, or your family will make decisions based on their wishes, not yours.
And, although you might not agree with your family member's wishes, I believe you have an obligation to follow through with their wishes, not your own. Hubby and I had a talk about this yesterday. We don't agree on where the line is, but, if something were to happen, we would have to honor the other person's request. It would be difficult, but...
When Hubby was in-patient at Bethesda, his first roommate had DNR printed in huge red letters on his chart. I freaked when I saw this. I had talked to him several times, and, honestly, he didn't even seem sick. But he was sick... very sick... not leaving the hospital sick. His wife was right by this side the whole time. They moved Hubby to a new room one day, and his former roommate slipped away in his sleep that night. They had made him comfortable, and he faced the end of his life with grace and dignity. And I'm sure that his wife wanted him to fight on, but that was no longer an option. That is how I think most of us would like to go.
All of that to say... share your wishes with those you trust around you. Then PUT IT IN WRITING. Here are some resources to help. (h/t to The Other Beth)
