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Friday, March 11, 2005
Playing By The Rules
FoxNews morning show, Fox & Friends, has had a bit of a controversy this week. They had a story about a woman who pulled her child out of a private school because she was asked to spank him (or the child would face a one day suspension). This started a whole spank/don't spank debate, which ended with experts from both sides explaining their positions.
(Before I go on, here's my take on spanking. You cannot reason with a toddler. You don't beat the snot out of a child. A firm whack across the rear end - or hand if they're reaching for something dangerous- gets across a message that logic and reasoning just can't to little kids. Once they get older, spanking should be necessary less frequently as other discipline proves more effective. When the boys turned 4 or 5, it became clear that spanking was no longer effective for one of them- time outs, on the other hand, worked really well. The boys are now 11 years old. There are much more effective ways of disciplining them than a swat. All that said, while I might not agree with those who choose not to spank, I respect their right not to do it- as long as they can effectively discipline their children.)
OK... on to this story. For me, the "big deal" wasn't the spanking. It was that this mom chose to put her child into this private school because of "its academic reputation and its moral teachings," and then she turned around and ignored the rules of the school. The rules stated that once a child reaches a certain point with his or her behavior, the disciplinary actions would be a spanking (given by the parent) or a one day suspension. (How giving a first grader the day off from school is going to teach him not to goof off in class is beyond me, but... ) This woman's son had reached this point (through a combination of discipline problems), and she was called into the school to either spank him or take him home.
For some reason, this upset her. You see, she never signed the parent letter that explained the discipline policy because she didn't agree with it. I'm sorry- by placing her child in the school (it's a private school- he didn't have to go there) she implied consent with the rules. But, because she didn't sign the letter, she thought that she didn't have to follow the rules. When they told her that, well, those are the rules, then she decided to pull her child out of school (they're getting ready to move, anyway, so...)
It should have ended there, right? The mom made her decision, the school said goodbye to little Chandler. All's well that ends well. Uh... no. For some reason, she took it to the media. They're not suing the school, and the school isn't suing them. This is all for 15 minutes of fame.
What I think happened was that someone pointed out that they never said she had to spank Chandler- that was one of two options available to her. Someone probably pointed out that she really over-reacted. And it hit a little too close to home. So, she took it to the media (which is also against the discipline poicy), hoping to get some sort of vindication for her actions. Unfortunately, for her, it just made her look whiny.
What did she teach Chandler through all of this? Hmmm... let's see... you don't have to obey rules that you don't like... if you're in a conflict, deflect attention from yourself by making your opponent look like the bad guy... if you whine enough, you just might get your way. Lovely. That's just what we need kids to learn.
(Before I go on, here's my take on spanking. You cannot reason with a toddler. You don't beat the snot out of a child. A firm whack across the rear end - or hand if they're reaching for something dangerous- gets across a message that logic and reasoning just can't to little kids. Once they get older, spanking should be necessary less frequently as other discipline proves more effective. When the boys turned 4 or 5, it became clear that spanking was no longer effective for one of them- time outs, on the other hand, worked really well. The boys are now 11 years old. There are much more effective ways of disciplining them than a swat. All that said, while I might not agree with those who choose not to spank, I respect their right not to do it- as long as they can effectively discipline their children.)
OK... on to this story. For me, the "big deal" wasn't the spanking. It was that this mom chose to put her child into this private school because of "its academic reputation and its moral teachings," and then she turned around and ignored the rules of the school. The rules stated that once a child reaches a certain point with his or her behavior, the disciplinary actions would be a spanking (given by the parent) or a one day suspension. (How giving a first grader the day off from school is going to teach him not to goof off in class is beyond me, but... ) This woman's son had reached this point (through a combination of discipline problems), and she was called into the school to either spank him or take him home.
For some reason, this upset her. You see, she never signed the parent letter that explained the discipline policy because she didn't agree with it. I'm sorry- by placing her child in the school (it's a private school- he didn't have to go there) she implied consent with the rules. But, because she didn't sign the letter, she thought that she didn't have to follow the rules. When they told her that, well, those are the rules, then she decided to pull her child out of school (they're getting ready to move, anyway, so...)
It should have ended there, right? The mom made her decision, the school said goodbye to little Chandler. All's well that ends well. Uh... no. For some reason, she took it to the media. They're not suing the school, and the school isn't suing them. This is all for 15 minutes of fame.
What I think happened was that someone pointed out that they never said she had to spank Chandler- that was one of two options available to her. Someone probably pointed out that she really over-reacted. And it hit a little too close to home. So, she took it to the media (which is also against the discipline poicy), hoping to get some sort of vindication for her actions. Unfortunately, for her, it just made her look whiny.
What did she teach Chandler through all of this? Hmmm... let's see... you don't have to obey rules that you don't like... if you're in a conflict, deflect attention from yourself by making your opponent look like the bad guy... if you whine enough, you just might get your way. Lovely. That's just what we need kids to learn.
