Yeah, Right, Whatever

Vin Diesel is making a new movie- Hannibal. (Evidently, we as a culture choose to get our history lessons from Hollywood. Oh, well... Epics have been big sellers since the dawn of cinematography.) In the fine tradition of Gladiator, Braveheart, Troy and (ew) Alexander, we'll be treated to another 2+hours of (hopefully) well researched battles and questionable moral commentary.

So, where is the problem? Well... are you sitting down for this one? Vin is evidently taking directing cues from Mel Gibson.

Vin Diesel is following Mel Gibson's example and employing ancient and little-known languages for his upcoming Hannibal The Conqueror epic. Gibson caused a sensation with his The Passion of the Christ movie last year when he used ancient Aramaic in his biblical drama, and now Diesel will use Jesus' tongue as well as Iberian and Carthaginian to tell the story of the Carthaginian general. He explains, "I'm going to make it a non-English multi-lingual film that represents the many languages that Hannibal employed in his army. "So it will be Aramaic for Rome, Iberian for Spain, there will be some Carthaginian or some Maltese and it will represent all these different languages. "Hannibal's whole point is uniting people of no common culture, language or religion and proving that united they can defy tyranny." Diesel admits he has had meetings with Gibson, seeking advice about how to make a movie featuring ancient languages, and persuade financiers to support his vision. He adds, "Passion of the Christ helps the cause because it says you can do a foreign film and it will do business."

Hmmm... how do I put this without sounding condescending? Vin... Dude... no! Don't go there. In The Passion of the Christ, it worked because of the subject matter, not because of the foreign language. They could have used a made-up language, and it still would have worked. It was the subject (and yes, to a certain extent, the pre-release hype). Hannibal the Conquerer will make a ton of money as an epic- it doesn't need the added cerebral kick. For some reason, I think it might even lose money if they go this way.

And, anyway, let's be honest here. I'm a Vin Diesel fan, but his movies will probably not go down in history as some of the Greats. They're good thug movies (no, I haven't seen The Pacifier yet, but I've heard it isn't quite the action film, but very sweet) - plenty of action, and plenty of eye candy to go around for everyone. People, as a rule, probably don't go to his movies for the intellectual stimulation. They go for the blood, guts, and scenery.

Am I being overly harsh? Probably. Can't help it. I'm sorry, Vin. Love your work, but the idea of you speaking Aramaic (or Iberian or Carthagian or Maltese, for that matter) just scares me.