Yeah, Right, Whatever

What? Me, sarcastic? Nah... I would never make fun of publications by the US government... ok... maybe I would...

Anyway... the Chicago Tribune is reporting that the USDA's food pyramid is going to undergo another overhaul. So much so, in fact, that it may not even be a pyramid from here on out.

When USDA officials unveil their new food guidance program in the next few days, it will include an updated symbol to replace the pyramid although USDA officials are mum on its design. But whether it's a pyramid, rectangle or rhombus, the new symbol won't include a comprehensive diet plan as does the current pyramid.

Rather, the graphic will be part of a larger food guidance system and will include just a few motivational slogans--urging consumers, for instance, to count calories and exercise regularly. The details of the nutritional advice will be explained in printed material and on a revamped, interactive Web site.

A "food guidance system"? Like a GPS for snacks? That might be cool. "Motivational slogans"? Here's one- "get off your rump and move!"

I hate to break it to the USDA, but... their target demographic (the less educated, lower income Americans who are packing on a few extra pounds) probably won't respond very well to "slogans." We all know how well "just say 'no'!" worked out. Educating kids, on the other hand, seems to work better (case in point- DARE.) Keep working on them, and you'll have yourself a nice, healthy, brainwashed citizenry in a few years.

"The reason we talk about it as a food guidance system is, no one graphic can carry 23 recommendations," said Eric Hentges, director of the department's Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion, who is overseeing the project. "You can't hang all the necessary information on one graphic. It just won't work."

Ah, yes... those 23 recommendations. That's my real reason for this sarcastic rant against the USDA. I wandered through the USDA's web site looking for the January, 2005 report that is the basis for these new guidelines. Insightful reading, let me tell you. Some of the highlights?

• Poor diet and physical inactivity, resulting in an energy imbalance (more calories consumed than expended), are the most important factors contributing to the increase in overweight and obesity in this country. (Ch. 1, p. 2)
• ...meeting nutrient recommendations must go hand in hand with keeping calories under control. (Ch. 2, p. 3)
  
• Eating fewer calories while increasing physical activity are the keys to controlling body weight. (Ch. 3, p. 3)
• Regular physical activity and physical fitness make important contributions to one's health, sense of well-being, and maintenance of a healthy body weight. (Ch. 4, p. 3)
• Increased intakes of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and fat-free or low-fat milk and milk products are likely to have important health benefits for most Americans (Ch. 5, pg. 3)
• ...most Americans need to decrease their intakes of saturated fat and trans fats, and many need to decrease their dietary intake of cholesterol. (Ch. 6, p. 3)
• ...the greater the consumption of foods containing large amounts of added sugars, the more difficult it is to consume enough nutrients without gaining weight. (Ch. 7, p. 3)
• Lifestyle changes can prevent or delay the onset of high blood pressure and can lower elevated blood pressure. (Ch. 8, p. 2)
• Alcoholic beverages supply calories but few essential nutrients. (Ch. 9, p.2)
• Consumers can take simple measures to reduce their risk of foodborne illness, especially in the home. (Ch. 10, p. 2)

Wow. My life is forever changed. I had no idea... truly.

Seriously, didn't we know this already? In spite of what some people would have you believe (what? eating McDonald's every day makes you fat? who knew?) most Americans know that a salad is better for you than the super-sized order of fries, and baked is better (for you) than fried, and apples are healthier than Ding Dongs. Hasn't helped much, has it? Here's a great quote from that Trib story:

The pyramid is being revamped because it is considered confusing and contains outdated--some say unhealthy--advice. More important, the pyramid's advice has been largely ignored by the public.

Well, yeah, it's being ignored!!! That's because Twinkies and potato chips (not together, but, you know what I mean) taste better than spinach and brocolli. Welcome to the real world.

But, let's look at that first sentence. Some of the pyramid's advice is unhealthy? Hmmm... let's have a look at that pyramid again...

And those new guidelines? They look almost the same. Well, except for the whole "you might want to go for a walk once in a while" part. There's no place for that on the pyramid. So, which part is unhealthy?

I guess I shouldn't get on the USDA's case too much. I mean, they're just trying to educate the sheeple of this great nation on how to have a more healthy lifestyle. The fact that we, as a nation, choose to ignore them is not their fault.

What I am getting on their case for is this: they spent how much of our tax money rewording the same stuff we've known for YEARS??? They haven't learned anything new. Not a thing.

Sorry, guys, but the American public is well aware of our collective expanding waistline. That whole diet thing? Yeah... we got that memo. We know all about exercise- we just don't do it.

Let's be honest. Until you can make a garden salad that tastes as wonderful as a bacon double cheeseburger, we're gonna eat the burger. With fries.