Yeah, Right, Whatever

Proverbs 13:24, "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."

We all know that verse. Every child hates it. Every parent tries to figure out what it actually means. Does it mean to swat your toddler on the tush when s/he runs out into the street? Does it mean to leave your teenager unable to sit for a week when s/he doesn't take out the trash? (In my never -to -be -confused -with -humble -opinion, yes to the first... uh... NO to the second.) In Massachusetts (go figure) it might be a mute point pretty darn soon.

Two weeks after Brookline's Town Meeting passed a resolution discouraging spanking by parents, lawmakers yesterday considered banning so-called corporal punishment on children across the state.

A bill filed by an Arlington lawmaker and backed by more than 60 residents from communities including Waltham and Newton would make it illegal to inflict "the willful infliction of physical pain" -- including spanking -- on children under 18.

Oh, for the love of... your 2 year-old is about to put his hand on the hot stove. Pulling him away and saying "no, Johnny, that will hurt you" just won't work. Trust me on this one. And the 3 year old who has a nasty habit of biting? Bite him back. It works. (No, don't break the skin. Geez... that 3 year old might not realize that it actually hurt. Consider it a teaching moment.)

The bill defines corporal punishment as willfully inflicting pain through acts including: hitting, whipping, slapping, spanking, kicking, biting, striking with an object, pinching, punching, poking eyes, twisting limbs, boxing ears, shaking, "hot-saucing" (putting undiluted Tabasco sauce or soap in the mouth) and administering electric shocks.

Hold it. They're comparing a swat on the behind with administering electric shock??? Flicking lips (to stop biting) with twisting limbs? "Hot Saucing" with punching? Pinching with kicking? These people really need to get out of their ivory towers once in a while. There is reasonable physical discipline, and then there is abuse. There is a big difference. Figure it out.

The measure is not about prosecuting parents for spanking but is about preventing abuse, Pollard said. In 41 percent of cases where a child is killed by parents, she said, the parents raised the defense they were using corporal punishment.

"Massachusetts can be the first state to wake up to this," said Pollard.

Lawrence presented the committee with facts showing corporal punishment harms children physically and emotionally.

"Facts"? Really. Sure. There are parents who can take it too far- they instill fear instead or respect and obedience. I do believe, however, that the vast majority of parents who swat Junior's bottom don't emotionally or physically harm their children. I would think that my kids wouldn't be quite as warm and loving toward me as they are if I had really harmed them.

Like I said, there are parents who take it too far. Parents who seriously injure or even kill their child and then claim they were just disciplining the tyke. Yeah, right. And there's also the parents who think that the same discipline methods that worked on Johnny when he was 3 will work on him when he's 15. (There's a story I was told about a mother who tried to swat her son when he was a teenager. He simply blocked it. Bit of a wake up call, I'm sure.) Then there are the parents who for some reason think the same methods work on all children.

T1 wasn't phased by spanking, but time outs where the ultimate in punishment to him when he was little. T2, on the other hand, had no problem with time outs, but freaked at the mere mention of a swat. That was when they were little. Now they're almost 12. I wouldn't dream of trying to spank them now- that's just... illogical. Taking away all electronics, on the other hand... that'll get their attention every time.

Parents who realize that an occasional swat on the tush (or flick on the lip, or slap on the hand, or... or... ) need not fear. There are many states (23?) who have affirmed the parents' right to use reasonable physical discipline in raising their children. That includes Texas, whose legislature just passed a bill okaying physical discipline in parenting. So... all the "kinder, gentler" parents can head on over to Taxachusetts where they can reason with their toddlers to their hearts' content. The rest of us will be living in the reasonable part of the country.

Oh, wait. My bad. That's pretty much the way it is already. Carry on.

(Yes, Dad... I know you were never big on spanking. Then again, your darling angels daughters never did anything wrong weren't really of the temperament to respond well to them once we got over the age of about 4. Just sayin'... works for some kids... but maybe not for all... )