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Monday, April 16, 2007

Morning Funnies


Here are some cute definitions:
Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Account: A countess' husband.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Atheism: A non-prophet organization.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney: Where some skirt hemlines fall.

Barium: What we do to most people when they die.

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read.

Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Coffee: A person who is coughed upon.

College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Derange: Where dee buffalo roam.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Eclipse: What an Italian barber does for a living.

Egotist: Someone me-deep in conversation.

Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Fancy restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.



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