Yeah, Right, Whatever

po·lite /pəˈlaɪt/ –adjective, -lit·er, -lit·est.
1. showing good manners toward others, as in behavior, speech, etc.; courteous; civil: a polite reply.
2. refined or cultured: polite society.
3. of a refined or elegant kind: polite learning.

Recently, I heard something that surprised me. I guess it shouldn't have, but it really did.

A boy, I presume around seven or eight years old, yelled at his (again with the conjecture) stepsister, calling her the common term for a female canine. This was, evidently, in response to the girl hitting him or something (I didn't see what happened, exactly. I just know I heard him YELL the term of endearment, then start in with the biggest fake crying jag I've seen in a while.) The adult supervision, in this case, was, at the time, some 20 feet away. When she came over to the kids, she chastised the little girl, but, as far as I could tell, she didn't say a peep about the boy's colorful use of the English language.

I asked the boys if they had heard what the little boy said. They said that they hadn't, so I told them, and then said, "I'm afraid to think about what I would have done if I would have heard you say that... even now." T1 looked at me and said, "You're afraid? I'm afraid."

So, I've been stewing over this for a little while now. Talk it over with a friend. I like to believe that society is still redeemable, that there is still hope for us as a culture, as a people. I starting to believe that I'm just plain deluded.

I was raised to be polite. Yes, I heard some "cussing" when I was growing up from family members, but I can tell you that it was rare. (My grandfather, instead of the "d" word, used "bless" instead- as in "God bless it!") My friends' parents didn't cuss, either (at least, not around us). So, I grew up in the wonderful little cocoon, thinking that polite society frowned on coarse language.

Well, then I grew up and discovered that learned folks use coarse language, as do people of pretty high morals. And sometimes the only word that adequately expresses what needs to be said happens to be one of the seven banned words. (Personally, I think that some of those can stay on the "Never Use" list... and I'm guessing you can figure out which ones). But, for me, the rarer, the better. I'm not perfect- I slip from time to time. I'd love to argue that it's just the "s" word or the "d" word or the occasional "a", but that's no excuse. I can't say "you shouldn't cuss" and then try to justify my cussing. But I try. I do try.

And I try not to judge based on colorful use of language (some of my favorite blogger friends are well known for their... um... way with words). I can't help it, though... it happens sometimes. A generation or so ago, many people would have agreed with me. These days... not so much.

A case in point would be the little boy in my story. Where in the world did he learn that word and become comfortable enough with it to use it "properly"? Best guess would be in the home (which means I guess I'm glad that I didn't confront the female "adult" supervision like I really wanted to). People that this little guy looks up to must use language like that, leading him to believe that it's perfectly acceptable to behave like that.

It's funny. There's a song out there right now that talks about kids learning from their parents. And then there was the classic, and even though it talked about other behaviors, he was still saddened that his boy was just like him. But, in either case, for people to learn a lesson from the lyrics, they have to actually care and determine there needs to be a change.

And no, unfortunately, it's not just this little boy and his family. Common courtesy is downright uncommon these days. We live in a selfish culture, and that's a sad state of affairs for all of us. We've lost the most basic elements of polite behavior (opening doors for others, not using language that might make someone blush, using "sir" and "ma'am" when addressing our elders, even so much as a simple smile for the stranger on the street). And it can only get worse.

So, I'm deluded. I think that our society should be a polite society. I guess if that's not possible, then I just have to do the best I can. (And that means not saying something that would make my grandmother blush, on this blog or, hopefully, in my daily contacts with people.) I can't hold most others to my rules, and I won't even try (with the exceptions of commenters on this blog and my kids).

It's just my rule for me... and I'm sticking to it.