Yeah, Right, Whatever

I found this at Strange Cosmos. It's not entirely correct, but pretty close. No, Foxworthy didn't write this, but the style is vaguely familiar.

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to might say about St. Louis:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in St. Louis.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you might live in St. Louis.

If someone mentions "The Landing" and it has nothing to do with the space shuttle, you might live in St. Louis.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in St. Louis.

If you've seen a tornado touch down and ONLY thought "Damn it, I just waxed the car", you might live in St. Louis.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in St. Louis.

If you measure distance in hours instead of miles, you might live in St. Louis. (I still do this.)

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in St. Louis.

If you drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard for some White Castles, you might live in St. Louis. (Or, if you're dad had shoveled 2 feet of snow to reach the grill, you might live in St. Louis.)

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you might live in St. Louis.

If you take I-Farty-Far to Six Flags, you might live in St. Louis.

If you know what/where the Piasa Bird is, you might live in St. Louis. (Don't forget Our Lady of the Rivers.)

If someone says concrete and you think of Ted Drewes instead of pavement, you might live in St. Louis. (YUM)

If you know what a TRAM is, you might live in St. Louis.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in St. Louis. (eh... this one is anywhere up north.)

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you might live in St. Louis.

If you've ever skipped school, work, or even a court-date because you had tickets to an afternoon Cards, Blues or Rams game, you might live in St. Louis.

If you can say the words "Cahokia Mounds" and not think of a candy bar or boobies, you might live in St. Louis.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in St. Louis.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in St. Louis. (I disagree with this one. There are definitely four seasons in St. Louis.)

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you might live in St. Louis.

If you find 10 degrees a little 'chilly', you might live in St. Louis.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your St. Louis friends & others, you live or have lived in St. Louis.

Let's see... If you know what a pork steak is (and how to serve it)... if you knew that US Grant had a farm... if you know that the Gateway Arch doesn't actually span the Mississippi River... if you know what "fark" and "warsh" mean... if you think toasted ravioli is good eats... if "where did you go to high school?" is a make or break question...