Yeah, Right, Whatever

What makes history? I guess it all depends on who you ask. I get my information for these posts from 2 sites, and they have much in common, and much that separates them. One is "just" history from a textbook point of view (politics, battles, who ruled whom when, stuff like that). The other has all of that, plus who won the Preakness in 1922 and when Babe Ruth hit his first home run. You know... the important stuff. I usually end up editing the longer list- do y'all care when the Council of Vienna ended? (In 1312, if you do happen to care.)

And now... today in history... now with snarky commentary!!!

1527 Spanish & German Imperial troops sack Rome; ending the Renaissance (I expected a little more... culture from the Spanish, didn't you?)
1536 King Henry VIII, orders bible be placed in every church (No, really... there actually weren't Bibles in the churches before that... sad, no? )
1626 Dutch colonist Paul Minuit buys Manhattan for $24 in trinkets (Rivaled only by Seward's purchase for "best bang for buck")
1833 John Deere makes 1st steel plow (Did it look like a Packers team vehicle?)
1840 1st postage stamps (Penny Black) issued (Great Britain) (You know that some moron will get confused by this because of the Stamp Act they learned about in public school... just sayin'... )
1851 Dr John Gorrie patents a "refrigeration machine" (which he then filled with beer and bean dip)
1851 Linus Yale patents Yale-lock
1861 Arkansas & Tennessee become 9th & 10th states to secede from US (what took them so long? They almost missed out on the fun)
1861 Jefferson Davis approves a bill declaring War between US & Confederacy (see? Let's get ready to ruuuuuumble....)
1864 Battle of Port Walthall Junction VA (see above)
1864 Battle of Wilderness-General Longstreet seriously injured (see above)
1864 General Sherman begins advance to Atlanta GA (it's almost over)
1889 Universal Exposition opens in Paris France; Eiffel Tower completed (at least there's something nice in Paris besides The Louvre and Notre Dame...)
1890 Mormon Church renounces polygamy (just in time to become a State... funny that)
1903 Chicago White Sox commit 12 errors against Detroit Tigers
1915 Red Sox Babe Ruth pitching debut & 1st homerun, loses to Yankees 4-3 in 15
1917 St Louis Brown Bob Groom no-hits Chicago White Sox, 3-0
1919 Paris Peace Conference disposes of German colonies; German East Africa is assigned to Britain & France, German Southwest Africa to South Africa (yet another cause of WWII)
1934 Red Sox score 12 runs in 4th inning including record 4 consecutive triples hit by Carl Reynolds, Moose Solters, Rick Ferrell, & B Walters
1937 Dirigible Hindenburg explodes in flames at Lakehurst NJ (36 die) (nope... nothing snarky here... )
1938 Dutch writer Maurits Dekker sentenced to 50 days for "offending a friendly head of state" (Hitler) (At least offending someone wasn't a beheading offense back then)
1941 Joseph Stalin became premier of Russia (Uncle Joe is on the scene!)
1942 Corregidor & Philippines surrender to Japanese Armies
1943 British 1st army opens assault on Tunis
1950 Liz Taylor's 1st marriage (Conrad Hilton Jr) (Ready... set... wed!)
1960 President Eisenhower signs Civil Rights Act of 1960 (Who helped pass that again?)
1962 1st nuclear warhead fired from Polaris submarine (Ethan Allen) (The best weapon is the one you only have to fire once. -Tony Stark)
1984 Baltimore Oriole Cal Ripken Jr hits for the cycle
1988 Doughnutgate incident: New Jersey Devils' coach Jim Schoenfeld tells referee Don Koharski to 'eat another doughnut you fat pig!,' he is suspended (No sense of humor, I tell you)
1994 Chunnel linking England & France officially opens (cool engineering... no snark)
1994 House passes the assault weapons ban (morons... did it take assault weapons off the street? Didn't think so... idiots... )
2012 Transit of Venus (uh... 2012? Well... it will be history... in 4 years... )

No, I'm not snarking about baseball history. Why would I snark about America's pasttime? Silly readers...