Yeah, Right, Whatever

The votes have been tallied, and the winner is...

News... News... and more news:

General:

• Smoking is illegal in most parts of Vancouver... unless your a Muslim who enjoys going to the local hookah lounge... it helps depression when they're far from home? uh... then just go home- no more depression, right?
  
• The Al Asqa Martyrs Brigade has invited Rosie to visit them "and learn the truth." Uh... do they know the truth about her?
  
• That Surge Thing isn't working... I mean, our soldiers never kill top AlQ guys in Iraq or anything like that.
  
• Civil rights activists are startled by this study. I blame it on the collapse of the traditional family, for starters. But it's just blatant racism, I'm sure.
  
• That's just plain lazy. Not unexpected, though.
  
• Health clinics should be held to uniform standards, right? Well... many abortion clinics aren't. And this is what happens. I'm glad this one was shut down.
  
• Public internet access has been cut in Burma Myanmar. Freedom can only be held back for so long.
  
• Reason #198876518981648913 that we homeschool and why I could never vote for a liberal. No, it's not "normal" and my kids don't have to be taught that King & King is a good thing.
  
• Sabotage in Chicago? That's not good.
• Dang, I love General Pace. Preach on, Brother Man!
• Whoever designed this building is an idiot.
  
• Those evil nasty soldiers... doing something nice again... what was he thinking?
  

Politics:

• You knew the whole global warming thing was going to end up with higher taxes, didn't you?
  
• Adding more drugs to their $4 list isn't going to endear Wal-Mart to politicians. The consumer, sure. Politicians? Not so much. Kinda hard to push through socialized medicine when the free market can provide, eh?
  
• A former soldier pulls a Kerry. Any surprise that he's in Madison?
  
• How cute! Little commie wannabes walking out of school during the Pledge, reciting their own... the Student Worker Club... I bet they wear Che t-shirts, too.
  
• I hope the President does veto this. He's right (for once in a long while) - it is the first step to socialized medicine.
  
• The White House is pushing for the Law of the Sea Treaty. There are a lot of people against it. Thoughts?
  
• The Breck Girl must be having trouble raising money. How else do you explain this?
  
• Here's a great argument against Hillary. Not a truly logical or intellectual argument, but, unfortunately, the American public isn't big on logic or intellect. No offense, W. We're just tired of the same last names.
  
• Unfortunately not even a line-item veto would combat this.
• Hillary flip-flopped? Are we sure her name isn't Kerry?
  
• Speaking of Hill, she got an endorsement from Meathead. Did Archie realize just how prophetic he was, naming Reiner that?
  

Immigration:

• Perhaps the Governor of Virginia needs to thoroughly vet appointments to his immigration commission.
  
• ICE needs to check the fast food places down here. Talk about a gold mine.
  
• There's a new citizenship exam. How many US citizens can pass it?
  

Sports:

• Tiger the Second?
  
• In US v the World (except for Europe), we have the US kicking early rear.
  
• Speaking of golfers... this one ain't too bright.
  
• Well... this should be an easy win for the Bucs. I mean, David will have to get his gloves dirty. We can't have that.
  
• Was Prince hit on purpose as well? If you use the same criteria, Thompson should be suspended as well. But, it's never the first shot that gets the suspension- it's the retaliation (real or perceived).
  
• Way to blow your chance at a great future, Willie.
  
• Deuce had both knees worked on, and he's out for the season. I'm sorry, but getting your knee "cleaned up" just doesn't sound like fun, ya know?
  
• I'm glad that Jermaine McKenzie is recovering from his car crash, but... dude... you broke your neck. Call it quits!
• They're tough enough to wear pink. Why can't they raise awareness for other diseases?
  
• "Suspended indefinitely" evidently means 2 weeks.
  
• Demetrius "Temper Temper" Jones wants to play for Cincinnati. Sorry, Dem... I wouldn't want you to play for me... ever.
  

Science:

• Ack! Mutant alien sheep!! Or not.
  
• Rule #1 in the world of REAL research... at least give the illusion of being impartial to the outcome.
  
• So... is there any way to use this study to develop a way to deaden taste buds short term for those of us who want to lose some weight?
  
• Scientists with too much time on their hands.
  
• That's a lot of baby.
• And not a lot of baby.
  
• Since they've culled the DNA, can I have one for Christmas? I'll take care of him. I'll love him and feed him and name him George.
  
• Nike has developed a shoe specifically for Native Americans. The science behind it is interesting. Whether or not it will encourage Native Americans to exercise more has yet to be seen.
  

Other Stuff:

• And Dad thought my phone bills were bad.
  
• Ben Stein's been busy. Mark your calendars for February.
  

Lance Cpl. Cory Jamieson
Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
Personal Security Detachment, Headquarters and Support Company, Task Force 1st Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, attached to Regimental Combat Team 2


Hippocrates once said, "Art is long, life is short".

Cpl. Jeremy David Allbaugh lived a short life. But, he was immortalized recently in acrylics by a Lance Cpl. Jamieson who painted a mural in his honor.
"I feel sad because it is for him, but it makes me happy because I can still do something for him," said Lance Cpl. Jamieson. "I thought about it during the ceremony in the chapel. I looked up at the stained glass windows and I thought 'I should do something like that'".

Along with help from family, a fellow Marine and a Morale, Wefare and Recreation manager, Jamieson had the paint and tools needed.

"I would paint eight or nine hours in the gym and time would fly by," Jamieson said.


Cpl. Jeremy David Allbaugh, 21 years old from Luther, Oklahoma, was killed by a roadside bomb on July 5, 2007 while conducting combat operations in Qaim, Iraq.

"He believed very strongly in what our country's doing," said his mother, Jenifer Allbaugh. "They were doing good things over there, and we don't see that in the news or media. There's a lot of progress being made. I wish more people would talk to our boys who are in it and not our politicians because they see it firsthand".

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your blog, you can go here.

... of me to say, "you can have 'em"????

This is scary. Not surprising, but scary.

Students at many of the country's most prestigious colleges and universities are graduating with less knowledge of American history, government, and economics than they had as incoming freshmen, with Harvard University seniors scoring a "D+" average on a 60-question multiple-choice exam about civic literacy.

...At universities such as Princeton, Yale, Cornell, Duke, and Berkeley, seniors scored lower on the test, available here, than freshmen, living proof of the broadening relevancy of the old Harvard adage that the university is a storehouse of knowledge because "the freshmen bring so much and the seniors take away so little."

You can take the test here. My boys will be studying American History next year, and you can bet that they will take this test at the end of the year. And they will pass it.

They will be freshmen... in high school.

PS- yes, I took it. I scored 91%.

1. What do you call a drug ring in Austin ?
A huddle.

2. Four UT Longhorns in a car, who's driving?
The police.

3. The UT Longhorns have adopted a new "Honor System". Yes your Honor,
No your Honor.

4. The UT Longhorns knew they had to do something for their defense, so
they hired a new defensive coordinator: F. Lee Bailey.

5. How do the UT Longhorns spend their first week at fall practice?
Studying their Miranda Rights.

6. What do you say to a Longhorn in a suit?
Will the defendant please rise?

7. If you see Longhorn football player on a bike, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike!

8. The Longhorns employ scouts. But to look out for cops, not to scout
high school kids.

9. I heard a rumor that the Texas Department of Corrections plans to
build a new prison in Austin , Texas in order to allow Longhorns to walk
to school.

10. What do you cal! l it, when a Longhorn goes on vacation?
Time off for good behavior.

11. Why couldn't the Longhorn get into a huddle on the football field?
It's a parole violation to associate with known felons.

12. Obviously Coach Mack Brown is not paying his players if they have to
resort to robbing people.

13. What's the first sentence in the UT playbook? "You have the right to remain silent."

14. Book 'em, Horns!

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

For all you Marines (and... well... everyone else) who are more than a little angry at Rep. Murtha for all of his anti-military rants and unwarranted attacks on Marines just doing their duty, I give you this: Chesty Comes Down to Chat With Murtha. (h't to Raven).

1st Lt. Forrest P. Ewens
26 years old from Tonasket, Washington
1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry)
June 16, 2006


The love of Megan Ewens's life arrived at Arlington National Cemetery on July 7, 2006. His ashes inside a small wooden box, the box inside a coffin, the coffin draped with an American flag and carried on a caisson pulled by six black horses.

Lt. Forrest P. Ewens had shipped out for Afghanistan in March of that same year. His wife, being the same rank in the Army, understood the risks, telling a colonel at Fort Drum, N.Y., that if anything happened to her husband, she didn't want to hear about it from a stranger.

On June 6, 2006 Lt. Ewens and Sgt. Ian T. Sanchez were killed when ATV struck an IED while on combat operation in Pech River Valley, Afghanistan.

A few weeks before his death, Lt. Ewens called his wife from an Afghan mountain to inform her that his unit had been subsisting on melted snow and rations and that he had been writing his impressions down in a notebook he carried.

"This was the love of her life," Megan Ewens's mother said. "They were so well-matched and made such a good team. We couldn't ask for a better son-in-law."

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your blog, you can go here.

I decided to join this football challenge sponsored by a local radio station. You pick winners for 3 college games and 2 pro games, plus you answer 5 questions about the games (how many yards will so-and-so get, etc.)

After 3 weeks, I'm tied for 3rd (for the season). Last week, I tied for 6th for the week. (The host, who was an All-American kicker for UT, is tied for 357 for the season, 92nd for last week.) Yes, I've sought wise counsel before placing my picks each weeks. I'm not stupid.

Not bad for a chick, eh?

As I was reading through the "news" this morning, I was ... whatever the opposite of surprised is... to see just how much of the news really wasn't. You'll see.

Not news:

• Mr. Breakfast Beverage has been arrested. No, I'm not linking to it. This is probably the only thing I'll write about him. He's vile.
  
• Sheeple flock to the scene of the crime.
• SecDef Gates says that we'll be in Iraq for a "protracted period." You don't say.
  
• He's also urging Senate Republicans to vote against (or a Presidential veto, if it comes to that) a troop-rest bill. Well, duh. We're at war.
  
• Greenspan is a liberal.
  
• Lincoln Chafee has left the GOP (officially). He left them ideologically years ago.
  
• Hillary has a health care plan. Again.
• Vincente "Crazy Like A" Fox is a tad... harsh when it comes to someone he's called "amigo".
• Iran has missiles aimed at Israel. And we're planning something. And the Iranians aren't happy about it.
  
• Another stupid Chinese guy dies after spending 3 days online.
  
• Democrats try to get into activists' good graces.
  
• Terrorists love Cindy. They're also not big on sticking to agreements. (But, that's ok... the Koran says so... look up Mo and his Treaty of Hudibiyya.)
  
• Tony Snow thinks reporters are liberal.
  

News:

• The French Foreign Minister obviously has a birth defect- even though he is French, he appears to have a backbone and testosterone. Sacre Bleu!
• PODS sold off the wrong storage box for non-payment... and the contents belonged to a soldier fighting in Iraq.
  
• Reason #349573958739834 that my kids are homeschooled.
  

Politics:

• Never heard of him. Shumer likes him. That bothers me. It also bothers me that the President's decision had to come down to "who will the Senate not fight over?"
• Does Hillary really want the words "She not a cold fish" to be said about her... by Madam Maddy?
  
• Evidently "Baptist" tracks better with conservatives than "Episcopalian."
  
• The "top 4" GOP candidates won't be at tonight's debate. I'm not happy about Fred! missing it. The other 3... don't care much.
  

Immigration:

• Too bad that having common sense labels you a racist. I like this kid.
• I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that illegal immigrants work at our military bases.
  
• A fight broke out at a church that's harboring an illegal alien and her "anchor baby."
  
• Evidently, you can TASER a US citizen, but not an illegal alien. What's up with that???
• Beaners chickened out.
  
• I love Sheriff Joe.
  

Science:

• Which baby animal is the cutest?
• The Northwest Passage is open again. And it's all global warming's fault. But... if that's the case... how did it open before?
  
• They've built an artificial boy. Will Zeno make his bed and clean his room?
• The incidents of left-handedness is on the rise, possibly because they're not being pressured to change hands (like I was- I started out ambidextrous.)
  

Sports:

• Former Jersey A captain George Martin has started a cross-country walk to raise money for Ground Zero workers who are now sick.
• Kevin Everett watched part of the Bills game yesterday. He's got a long road ahead of him.
  

Oddities:

• Doesn't this sound like the Piña Colada Song from the 70s?
• Having had custody of two Burmese pythons (one of whom considered my hamsters a lite snack), I can say, without a doubt, that this woman was nuts. Gutsy, but nuts.
  
• Imagine the story these kids will tell their kids- "When I was a child, we had to cross a raging river to get to school... on a cable... both ways..."
• hmm... can the victims sue the Discovery Channel? (Well, of course they can, but... is it a legit case?)
• Me thinks this guy has a little problem.
  

"News" from Gomorrah:

• The guy with the buzzer in the sound booth at the Emmy's probably has a hand cramp this morning.
  
• When studios won't preview a show for critics, that's bad... right? (As if anything about that show could be seen as good- do those kids even know what "¡Viva la revolución!" means? They've been yelling it enough in the previews.)
  
• Madonna, who's not Jewish, is "an ambassador for Judaism,"... even if it makes the rabbis mad.
  
• Chuckles is going to be a movie star.
  
• A 12 year old girl has been chosen to be the face of Australia's Fashion Week. It's caused a big stink (for lots of very good reasons).
  

I read the news sites... so you don't have to.

General:

• So... some Hispanics in Jacksonville, FL are worried because they're being targeted for robbery, and because of a "language barrier", they can't talk to the police. Let's see... they're being targeted because they're paid in cash and they only speak Spanish... no, that doesn't scream illegal alien, does it?
  
• Vaclav Klaus is probably my favorite European.
• In more non-news... we're planning to bomb Iran. And Zimbabwe. And Japan. And England. News flash, gang- that's what the Pentagon does- makes up plans to bomb people.
  
• I'm trying to build up some righteous indignation over this little bombing run into Syria. For some reason, the weapons manufacturing makes that difficult.
  
• I don't know where Mount Dora is, but I know I can never move there. My dog's too noisy.
• A cartoonist at a college newspaper got in trouble for drawing a cartoon about the famine in Ethiopia. People say it was "racist and insensitive." Let's see... Ethiopians are usually... very dark skinned... and, during a famine, people will eat literally almost anything... no, not racist and insensitve, just readers who can't think outside the box.
  
• Governors told Washington that they need more immigrants... skilled immigrants. Well, that leaves out 99.9% of the illegals, doesn't it?
  
• Jakarta wants to be the next Singapore.
  
• Unfortunately, "The Committee for Ex-Muslims" is probably another name for "Committee for People who Want to be separated from their heads." Good luck, though.
  
• Evidently, if you oppose Islam taking over every aspect of your life, you're a racist. Whatever.
  
• Back during the Cold War, there was a contant battle between the US and the USSR over who could make the biggest and best of everything. Yuri Gagarin went into space, so we went to the moon. We made the C-5 Galaxy, and the Russians countered with the AN-225. For people who miss the fun and frivolity of the Cold War, Russia is ready to give you a oneupsmanship fix. We made the MOAB- they have detonated the FOAB (or however you say "father of all bombs" in Russian).
  
• Based on the detonation of the FOAB, should we be worried about Putin dissolving the government? Nah... where's some sand? Time to bury our heads and pretend there's nothing wrong.
• No... Katie's trip to Iraq bombed in the ratings, and they're surprised?
  
• Time to cancel the trip to the Congo, I guess. Ebola and Shigella dysentery... yikes.
  
• Leave it to the Feds... they think stepping in will help delays. Unfortunately, they have a point about airlines scheduling more flights than airports can support.
• Civil rights violations? Oh, come on... they have plenty to charge these animals with without resorting to tossing out the race card. (Although, if what the victim said is true, this is a true hate crime case... for a change.)
  
• Oh, I can't wait until some other bloggers get a hold of this one. Here's a clue, Mr. Superintendent- the flag of the country where the school is should be A-Okay. After all, there IS a US flag in front of the school, right?
  

Politics:

• moveon.org (no I'm not actually going to link them, you silly) got a steep discount from the NY Times for their "Betray Us" ad. Seems odd, considering how desperately the Times needs money.
  
• Why should Democrats speak out against the Code Pinks and moveon morons if they agree with them?
• Dana Milbank is right. It sounds like a Toby Keith song. No wonder why I refused to watch it. I'll just read the testimony, if you don't mind.
• Romney says his campaign had nothing to do with an anti-Fred web site. You know... I wouldn't believe it if Hillary said the same thing. But, I think I believe Mitt. Not sure why.
• A Dem did right? Stopped clock and all that. (I'm betting that he did it to appease the unions. That, and it will make W mad. But, having driven on the same roads as Mexicans, I can say, without a doubt, that the idea of Mexicans driving semis on our roads terrifies me.)
  

Science:

• Scientists are going to X-ray the Dead Sea Scrolls. Evidently, they think they can read the scrolls without unrolling them.
• These scientists were obviously paid off by cocoa pushers.
  
• Carbon dating isn't exactly reliable, and just because it dated to him, that doesn't mean that it was his, ya know?
  
• Mickey unrolled the red carpet for the Endeavour.
  

Sports:

• But... but... my Pats would never do that... would they?
• I would like to point out that not all Sooner fans act like this. In fact, I'd say that this moron is the only one who acts like this. (You know... I think I've been to that bar... nice place.) (Yeah, I know the incident happened a while back, but the idiot is finally getting charged.)
  
• Great news for Kevin Everett.
  
• The Brewers are #1 in the division. In all honesty, they're getting some help.
• I know that trash-talking the opposition is part of sports. And I'm pretty sure that, if they haven't heard it yet, the Midshipmen will hear far worse than f-bombs once they receive their commissions. But this does seem a little extreme. Yeah, I know... I'm a prude.
  

The Weird, the Odd, and the Celeb:

• You know it's bad when I agree with Kanye West.
• And it's even worse when I almost agree with a bunch of Islamists. (I agree that Madonna and Britney- and many other singers and actors- spread the concept of a culture I'm not thrilled with, but I'm not quite on board with the whole lopping-off-of-the-head thingie.)
  
• Kathy Griffin's not helping. Hey, Kathy... maybe you're on the D-list because you're not funny. Maybe it's because you're downright offensive most of the time. But you knew that.
• How skinny is too skinny? Evidently, she is. (Only 4 out of 10 models have an eating disorder? They must mean any one eating disorder, because there aren't that many women who are that thin naturally *cough* Ann Coulter *cough*)
• No one told him that the loos were for display purposes only. Ew.
  
• Deflated by a bee. I can't help but chuckle at that.
  

Patriot Day, 2007

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

September 11, 2001, was a defining moment in American history. On that terrible day, our Nation saw the face of evil as 19 men barbarously attacked us and wantonly murdered people of many races, nationalities, and creeds. On Patriot Day, we remember the innocent victims, and we pay tribute to the valiant firefighters, police officers, emergency personnel, and ordinary citizens who risked their lives so others might live.

After the attacks on 9/11, America resolved that we would go on the offense against our enemies, and we would not distinguish between the terrorists and those who harbor and support them. All Americans honor the selfless men and women of our Armed Forces, the dedicated members of our public safety, law enforcement, and intelligence communities, and the thousands of others who work hard each day to protect our country, secure our liberty, and prevent future attacks.

The spirit of our people is the source of America's strength, and 6 years ago, Americans came to the aid of neighbors in need. On Patriot Day, we pray for those who died and for their families. We volunteer to help others and demonstrate the continuing compassion of our citizens. On this solemn occasion, we rededicate ourselves to laying the foundation of peace with confidence in our mission and our free way of life.

By a joint resolution approved December 18, 2001 (Public Law 107-89), the Congress has designated September 11 of each year as "Patriot Day."

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 11, 2007, as Patriot Day. I call upon the Governors of the United States and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, as well as appropriate officials of all units of government, to direct that the flag be flown at half-staff on Patriot Day. I also call upon the people of the United States to observe Patriot Day with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and remembrance services, to display the flag at half-staff from their homes on that day, and to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 a.m. eastern daylight time to honor the innocent Americans and people from around the world who lost their lives as a result of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this fourth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-second.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Not much in the news today... unless you want to listen to the talking heads preening.

General:

• Univision had higher ratings than Fox in the first week of single panel ratings. Lovely. Just lovely. Where'd my country disappear to?
  
• LA County thinks they know how to curb the obesity epidemic- keep new fast food restaurants from being built. Oh, yeah... that'll take care of it. We'll all be Kate-Moss-thin in no time.
  
• It's one (sick, pathetic) thing to have Neo-Nazi groups in the States. It's an entirely different thing to have them in Israel.
  
• Will this get parents to pay more attention to their children? Probably not.
  
• The Pope isn't going to make many friends in the WHO if he keeps saying stuff like this.
• Oh, yip. Another video. We're shaking in our boots... really...
  

Political:

• Dodd joins the list of Presidential wanna-bes who are convinced that the way to our hearts is through Cuba.
  
• Dems wandered over to Univision to pander for the Hispanic vote. Richardson had a good point- if it's on a Spanish language station, why weren't they allowed to speak Spanish?
  
• Al Gore is being attacked for being an omnivore. I wonder if you can buy carbon offsets for that...
• The Clintons might be behind several break-ins? Say it isn't so.
  

Science:

• Hurricane scientists get it wrong. Again. (And in other news, the sky is blue, bears have outdoor plumbing, and the Pope wears a funny hat.)
  

Sports:

• This is just scary. (Press conference says it's a "grade 2 sprain".) I don't want to make light of it, but... does the headline "Bills' Everett has emergency neck injury" sound as stupid to everyone else as it does to me? Thoughts and prayers go out to Kevin.
  
• This steroids scandal is just getting bigger.
  

Oddities and Celebrities:

• I'm guessing this town owns stock in a breath mint company, right?
  
• Britney bombed at the MTV awards. (Reports say she looked sedated. That's new?)
  
• Wednesday won't be a very productive day in Russia... on the job, at least.
  

Strange Business Facts

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and hours are lost.

If you tell your boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

When you try to prove to someone that something won't work, it will.

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

To err is human, to blame somebody else shows good management skills. (thanks to Jordan)

New systems generate new problems.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

Some people manage by the book - even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the manufacturer and impossible for the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and will cost the most.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Any design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.

There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you no longer need it; are in the middle of something else; or don't want it to be fixed because now you don't want to do what you were supposed to do.

The more urgent the need for a decision to be made, less apparent becomes the identity of the decision maker.

It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.

Don't fix something that ain't broke, 'cause you'll break it and you still can't fix it.

If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.

Standard parts are not.

Interchangeable tapes aren't.

Never trust modern technology. Trust it only when it is old technology.

For any given software, as soon as you master it, a new version of that software appears.

The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.

In today's technical environment, it is a requirement that we forget more than we learn.

It is simple to make something complex, and complex to make something simple.

Measurements will be quoted in the least practical unit; velocity, for example, will be measured in 'furlongs-per-fortnight'.

An expert will always state the obvious.

The chance a copy machine will break down is proportional to the importance of the material that needs to be copied and inversely proportional to the amount of time till the material will be needed.

A maintenance department will neglect a customer's complaints until it starts installations on the customer's new projects.

If it works in theory, it won't work in practice. If it works in practice, it won't work in theory.

No matter how clever and complete your research is, there is always someone who knows more.

The less intelligent the idea, and the person stating it, the more likely it will be funded.

A man with one watch is certain about time. A man with two watches isn't.

The more knowledge you gain, the less certain you are of it.

Technicians are the only ones that don't trust technology.

The more you want to contact someone over an instant messenger is inversely proportional to the chances that they will be online.

The more important your email is, the worse your email program will screw it up.

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

I really want to get one of these:

"Why?" I hear you asking. After all, I'm not much of a Sea-turkeys fan. Well, yeah... but I am a Matt and Mack fan, now.

The Seahawks quarterback and fullback gave the 43rd president a No. 43 jersey with his name on it at a $1,000-a-plate fundraiser for Rep. Dave Reichert at the Hyatt...

... So objections were raised, and Hasselbeck heard them and read them. He got nasty voice mails, e-mails and text messages.

Wow... that's mature. Like I said, I'll pay a little more attention to Matt and Mack this season. Almost makes me wish I had a fantasy team.

(And, to be fair, I did say stuff about the Dixie Chicks because they said things against the US while in another country. They can talk trash all they want about the US- just keep it in the borders. And I have mocked celebrities not for their support of a particular candidate, but because of illogical stands on certain topics. You might call it nit-picking, but I see a difference. Hypocritical? I don't think so, but feel free to disagree. Politely, of course.)

News today is a tad sparse, but here's what I've come up with so far:

General:

• AlQ is promising a "gift" on the anniversary of the "blessed invasion of Manhattan." As a pre-gift, they offer up a new video of Osama bin Laden. Have a look at this screen shot, compared to a video taken in 2004.

  

  Grecian Formula, Osama?
  
• I guess Islamists just aren't fashion conscious (unless you're Osama with his makeover.)
• The UN High Commissioner on Human Rights was hanging out with Imanutjob, and everyone's shocked that she ignored all the human rights violations going on under her nose. Why they're shocked I'll never know.
• Speaking of the UN and human rights... who better to investigate atrocities in Darfur than an expert on the subject? If by "an expert on the subject" you mean someone suspected of ferrying arms to the Janjwid militia and inciting genocide, that is.
  
• Do guardian angels get paid over time?
• Mexican trucks on US soil... why do I get the feeling that the Teamsters aren't going to be happy about that.
  
• A woman got booted off a Southwest Airlines flight because she was dressed inappropriately. I'm all in favor of more modesty, but I think they went a bit too far. While her skirt is a bit short, I have to agree with the gentleman in this video who pointed out that they probably need to worry about smell more than skin. And... why did she have to leave the plane? Couldn't they have found her a different seat?
• Hey... wouldn't offering ID cards to illegal aliens make it easier to round them up and send them home? Just a thought...
  
• Wow... it's so bad at Gitmo that former detainees are longing for the good old days back on the island.
  
• Talk about an explosive relationship.
  
• Oh, yeah... that's the kind of message I'd like to find when I wake up in the morning. NOT.
  
• What do you want to bet that they'll never find out who attacked this poor, pathetic man? (I mean... really... do you honestly think the police are even looking?)
  

Politics:

• Hsu was found in Colorado. Why Colorado? I was thinking either Hong Kong or a small park near DC.
  
• Evidently President Bush's Korean is a little rusty. Lost in translation, eh?
  
• I don't think I needed to know that Senator Obama snores. (Thanks, Bill... it's all your fault.)
• Dennis the Menace was mistaken. He did bless the occupation... by his absence. (Let's add him to the list of people who have committed treason... or at least sedition.)
  
• What is the deal with Teddy singing? And we thought his singing in Spanish was bad.
  

Sports:

• Yes, I'm a total homer, and, if it's true, Ankiel shouldn't have taken HGH at all. That being said, if he stopped taking it prior to the ban, what's the problem? They can't do anything about it now... can they?
  
• Please tell me Louisville will go down in the polls after this.
  

Science:

• Although I question the intelligence of people who need to study these things, I also have to ponder if parents of toddlers (or teenagers, for that matter) will necessarily agree with the findings. ( I pondered it myself, considering how many times I've referred to my own little cherubs as "monkeys.")
  
• This study makes sense. They make it sound a tad more petty than it really is, though. I think that people want to live in nice, secure areas, and there are several factors that weigh in on our perception of what's "nice" and "secure." Having neighbors of the same race could be one of those factors. So could education or income levels.
  
• If by "evolution" they mean how early man changed from nomad to farmer, then this is a no-brainer. (I'm a little doubtful on the time-frame, though... but I won't pick too many nits.)
• Do roaming charges apply?
  

Some more funnies from Strange Cosmos. I wish I could shorten these, but there's no way to do that on Blogspot (that I know of, anyway).

Strange School Excuses from Parents These are actual excuse notes from parents (with the original spelling) collected from schools all around the United States.

My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him.

Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time.

Diane was late on Wednesday. She fell asleep on the bus and was taken back to the bus yard.

Please excuse my son from being absent yesterday, because there is a river in our house.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrheea and his boots leak.

Henry stayed home because he had a stomach ache from eating too much frosting.

Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, so I had her shot.

Please exscuse John from being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

Cody was absent yesterday because we were out bowling until 2 AM.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

It was my fault Mike did not do his math homework last night. His pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home.

Please excuse Roland from PE for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday. He had the fuel.

John has been absent from school because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Tommy wasn't in school yesterday because he thought it was Saturday.

Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.

Scott didn't practice last night because he lost his tooth in the mouthpiece of his trumpet.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.

Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because Jerry couldn't remember where the school was.

Chris will not be in school today cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse my daughter's absence. She had her periodicals.

Please excuse my son. He will be out next week slaughtering goats for his manhood ritual. Thank you!

Please excuse Ray from school Friday. He had very loose vowels.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy from being. It was his father's fault.

Ronnie would not finish his work last night. He said his brain was too tired of spelling.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Eric hurt his knee in a karate tournament over the weekend. He won his age group, but was in too much pain to do his math assignment.

Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be vaporized.

Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent-sized.

Please excuse little Jimmy from missing school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the Doctor.

Yeah, I got these from Strange Cosmos. Why do you ask?

Why were you fired from your last job?

I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey.

I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way.

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate.

I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life. But I didn't have the thyme.

I once was a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it. It was a so-so job.

I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind.

I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

I worked for a plumber, but that work was too draining.

I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it. So they gave me the ax.

I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn't fit in.

I became a fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income.

I was a musician, but I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that!

I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

There's an e-mail going around, and, since I'm not one for forwarding chain e-mail, I'll post it on here. (I edited out the "send this to everyone you know!" part, but I do think you should tell everyone you know.)

On Tuesday, September 11th, 2007, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day.

Sounds like a plan to me.

So... I found this article (language alert) about the most useless Transformers. After laughing a bit, I watched the video clip, and that is when I knew that Transformers are truly evil.

Anyone want to guess why I feel that way?

Here's the video if you don't want to go to the article. Yes, it's in Japanese. There are subtitles.

Evil. Evil, I tell you.

Let the fun begin!!

Ok, everyone, get out your notebooks and your clicky pencils, and let's start taking notes. Your assignment- a spreadsheet, listing the positions of all Republican candidates. (Extra credit- a spreadsheet, listing the positions of all the Democrats in the race.) Assignments are due prior to the next debate.

Here's the video that Fred! used to announce his candidacy. Yes, he was on Jay Leno last night- I haven't decided how I feel about that.

Luciano Pavarotti passed away this morning after a long battle with pancreatic cancer.

Here is Nessun Dorma from Turandot, Pavarotti's "signature" piece:

Sgt. Willard T. Partridge
35 years old from Ferriday, Louisiana
170th Military Police Company, 504th Military Police Battalion, 42nd Military Police Brigade
August 20, 2005


Sgt. Partridge was killed by an IED that exploded near his vehicle in Baghdad, Iraq.

There isn't that much information about Sgt. Partridge so I though I would share some of the memories that his friends and family have of him.

"I remember Partridge from basic training and AIT. He was a very quiet guy who had a good sense of humor. I remember asking him why he joined, and he told me it was so he could take care of his family and give them a better life. I would have deployed with him any day, he was one of the good guys I graduated with. He will not be forgotten. God Bless."

"Todd was one of the best men I have ever met and I will always have great memories and admiration for him! My thoughts and prayers go out to his family!"

"I will never forget you and those awful eighteen weeks at Fort Leonard Wood. You are in every sense of the term, 'A HERO'"

"Todd was such a quite, solid person. He never demanded the attention of those around him. I remember him always just smiling while everyone else at our LARGE FAMILY get togethers made noise. I could get a hug from him, but I had to ask for it. He never assumed anything. I loved making him hug me.

Todd was a solid, faithful husband, father and man in every respect. He did what had to be done in all areas of his life. He died doing what he knew to be his job in this life. Not that he wanted to die but he wanted to serve whatever the cost might be. He knew that freedom is not free and wanted to pay his part for that freedom for himself, his wife and girls.

I have nothing but love and respect for Todd's memory and will always proudly and thankfully count him among my nephews that adore. His memory will always be honored. I thank God that He brought Todd into our family. He left his mark on it just as he did everywhere he went."


These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. To find out more about Wednesday Hero, you can go here.

... for a good laugh (or something). Yeah... it's a long list... there are 3 days' worth of links.

General:

• One question- are they all going to be legal?
• Rest in peace, Dr. Kennedy.
  
• Terror plot foiled in Germany.
  
• Jodie Foster just doesn't get it. And that's not surprising. I guess I'm just one of those unsophisticated people who think that defending yourself is a good thing. Drat. That looked like a good movie, too.
  
• Steve Fossett is missing.
  
• Not news. It's what the folks at the Pentagon do in their free time. They plan to invade places. We have plans to invade Canada. We have plans to invade England. Geez- we have plans to invade Antarctica. Like I said... not news.
  
• Mahmoud "Imanutjob" doesn't think we'd attack Iran... because he did the math. And Allah told him so... or something like that... good luck with that.
• I'm just too nice. I would have just handed it over, with no price tag attached.
  
• The Russians are starting up Arctic exercises again. That can't be a good thing.
  
• I'd be afraid if I was Paraguay, too. Or any other Central American country, for that matter. Hugo is just plain scary.
  
• Especially since he's planning on ruling until at least 2027. If the economy holds out.
  
• I wonder if it smells as bad this time?
• Does Jerry really need to apologize for something he almost said?
  
• Wow... banning prayers... by people who are of your own religion? To answer Rodney King's (in this case, rhetorical) question, no, I guess they can't all just get along. Are we surprised? Not me.
  
• On the heels of Labor Day, we have this report. Wow... the most productive workers, and we don't have all those fun perks the Euros have? How can it be?
  
• Kinda like "look for the Union label" but totally Iraqi.
  
• uh... how can a GPS tell INS (isn't it ICE now?) that the driver is illegal? Just wondering... other than that, it sounds like taxi drivers in the Big Apple are just upset because they can't get away with breaking the rules and padding the fares (more).
  

Politics:

• Mandatory preventative care? And I thought it was getting difficult to get appointments the way it is now!!!! (We don't want socialized medicine!!! How many times do we need to explain that to you morons?!?!?)
• Giuliani is the only one scared by Fred!??? Are the rest in denial?
  
• Duncan Hunter won the Texas straw poll. That's good. Maybe all of the candidates will start paying attention to what's really important to the GOP base.
  
• Yet another reason to reject Edwards. (But that's not saying much... whoever the DNC candidate will be in '08 will end up with all of the union endorsements, but... )
  
• Biden's still in the race? Wow. Who knew? Well, except for Biden, that is.
• Larry Craig may not be as resigned to resigning as he originally appeared. Thanks, Arlen.
  
• If he does run, he should do a state-wide tour... in a school bus.
• Well, if anyone knows anything about anti-Semitism, it would be an anti-Semite, right?
  

Sports:

• I'll admit it. I'm not the biggest Juan Encarnacion fan, but... I really hope he recovers. (Update- he's out of the hospital, but still hasn't had surgery.)
  
• What's the big deal? She was just looking for some pointers.
  

Science:

• Not news. Not even close to news. Do I need to explain it?
  
• This is cool.
  
• Surf's up.
• Well, now this could be interesting... especially if you have stock in Exxon. Or Shell. Or... you get the idea. (I can just imagine the "gas stations" of the future- convenient stores with banks of oulets, and you pay by the watt/minute.)
  
• Maybe you shouldn't inhale popcorn fumes several times a day. That might help your lungs (and your waist-line).
  
• According to this study, 9% of US kids act like kids, and their teachers can't handle it. (Can someone please explain why children from poor families have the highest rates of ADHD? I mean, if it's a real disease and not a construct designed to make classroom instruction easier... )
  
• There's a new X-Prize in the works.
  

Weird:

• China bans reincarnation without government permission.
  
• Please tell me these guys were already drunk when they stole the hearse. Please.
  
• Ya know... I hate agreeing with Chavez about anything, but... silly names are just a cruel thing to do to your kids.
• I guess you have to do what you have to do. And, according to the article, Akash Bhairab came through in a pinch. No, the mechanics had nothing to do with it... why do you ask?
  

Today is T1 and T2's birthday! They're 14 years old now (well, at 6:34 and 6:35 PM Central, that is).

Dang... if they're 14, that makes me... not as young as I used to be...

Happy Birthday, guys!

(The post time on this is late at night so that it will be on top all day. No, I didn't forget. Geeez.)

For some reason, our nation celebrates the labor movement. I'm sure they originally sold the idea by saying that we were just going to celebrate the Everyday Joe Worker, but that's not the case. We're celebrating the labor (read socialist) movement. (Let me put it to you this way... almost every other country on the planet celebrates "Labor Day" on May 1st, and it's a big socialist shin-dig. Just because we do it on a different day, why should our "Labor Day" be any different?) "Fortunately" for the US, 99.9% of US citizens have no idea why we get off on federal holidays anyway, so why should today be any different?

Here is what Neal Boortz had to say about it today. He summed it up better than I could.

1. If the Democrats have control of the congress and he White House after the next election, the labor unions will soon be able to unionize a workplace without any election involving private ballots. Union organizers will be able to use traditional union intimidation tactics to compel workers to sign petitions, and as soon as a majority of the workers have signed on ... it's union time!

2. Labor unions, particularly the AFL-CIO, are on the vanguard of the amnesty movement. You will see lawsuits brought by labor unions whenever and wherever the government starts to get tough on businesses hiring illegal criminal aliens. The reason is simple. These labor unions see these millions of illegal Mexicans as their path to new glory and power, just ripe to be made new union members as soon as they are legitimized.

3. Last, but certainly not least, there is no one entity in this country that is doing more to destroy the future of our nation than the most powerful unions in Washington, the teacher's unions.

"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." Shug Jordan / Auburn

College football opened this weekend with all its crazy twists and turns. The ranked teams in Thursday night's games insured there were no surprises, outscoring their opponents (from the local junior highs) 212-20. Most of the games on Saturday was equally uneventful. Looks like almost everyone who was supposed to win did just that, even if not by the numbers the experts had predicted.

And then there was that little game in the Big House. There's not much else to say about that game except "dayum." No, really. That's about it.

In honor of the Mountaineers, I present some of the best college football quotes (care of Strange Cosmos, as always).

"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any." Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.


"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas." Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.


"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that." Bobby Bowden / Florida State


"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." Lou Holtz / Arkansas


"When you win, nothing hurts." Joe Namath / Alabama


"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." Lou Holtz / Arkansas


"If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, "Roll, tide, roll!" Bear Bryant / Alabama


"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." Frank Leahy / Notre Dame


"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." Woody Hayes / Ohio State


"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." Bob Devaney / Nebraska


"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant." Wally Butts / Georgia


"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life." Paul Dietzel / LSU


"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class." Bear Bryant /Alabama


"No, but you can see it from here." Lou Holtz / Arkansas...When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world.


"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game." Bear Bryant /Alabama


"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line." Matty Bell / SMU


"Lads,you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died." Frank Leahy / Notre Dame


"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's." Alex Karras / Iowa


"My advice to defensive players:Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor." Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee


"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State


"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David." Shug Jordan / Auburn


"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces." Darrell Royal / Texas


"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


"They whipped us like a tied up goat." Spike ##### / Texas Tech (his name was edited by SC, not me)


"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well,Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good." Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State


"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." Bobby Bowden / Florida State


"Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State


After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: "All those who need showers, take them." John McKay / USC


"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education." Murray Warmath / Minnesota


"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


"Oh,we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon." Spike ##### / Texas Tech


"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches." Darrell Royal / Texas


"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking." John McKay / USC


"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad." Darrell Royal / University of Texas


"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football" John Heisman