Yeah, Right, Whatever

I haven't been able to confirm this (snopes is quite on them), so we're just going to pretend they're all true, ok?

Infielder Chris Brown missed a game because he "slept on his eye funny".

Pitcher Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.

Sammy Sosa was disabled after a violent sneeze.

Pitcher Jeff Juden missed a start because a tattoo he got prior to the season opener got infected.

Reliever Randy Flores was put on the disabled list - while removing his socks after a game, a large patch of skin also came off.

DH Mickey Tettleton went on the disabled list with athlete's foot. The story is that he tied his shoes too tight.

Utility infielder Bret Barberie missed a game because he mistakenly rubbed chili juice in his eyes.

Pitcher Ricky Bones injured his lower back getting out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.

Outfielder Dustan Mohr strained his groin while trying to get out of the dugout for a celebration for another player's home run.

Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle jumping from the bench to join a brawl.

Shortstop Rey Quinones wasn't available as a pinch hitter as he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo. (OK, it's not an injury, but it's pretty funny!)

Pitcher Mark Smith was injured when he stuck his hand into an air conditioner to see why it wasn't working.

Reliever Joey Eischen broke his arm jumping into the air to field a ground ball.

Shortstop Clint Barmes fell down some stairs and broke his collarbone. He was unable to break his fall because he was cradling a package of venison given to him from teammate Todd Helton.

Pitcher Greg Harris suffered a strained elbow flipping sunflower seeds while sitting in the bullpen.

Pitcher Randy Veres injured his hand pounding on the hotel room wall, trying to get the people in the next room to be quiet.

Third baseman Randy Johnson strained his back putting on his socks.

Pitcher Byron McLaughlin cut his right hand when he was practicing his windup in his hotel room. He was apparently too close to the mirror.

Catcher Brent Mayne missed an entire month in the 2002 season because he turned his head to check traffic as he was crossing the street - and wrenched his back.

Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder at a taping of a segment for "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno".

Speedster Rickey Henderson allegedly missed several games in August due to frostbite.

Outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched a testicle.

Pitcher Oliver Perez went on the 15 day disabled list after breaking his toe while kicking a laundry cart in the visitor's clubhouse.

Outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game after he burned his face, spending too much time under a tanning lamp.

Jose Cardenal missed a game because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.

Pitcher Kenny Rogers dislocated his pinky finger (on his non-pitching hand) after punching out a water cooler.

Outfielder Glenallen Hill received cuts over much of his body after he fell out of bed onto a glass table. He was having a nightmare about being covered in spiders.

Pitcher Rich Harden strained his shoulder turning off his alarm clock.

Second baseman Jeff Kent claimed he hurt his wrist while washing his truck. Speculation is that he was injured in a motorcycle accident while doing tricks.

Infielder Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player's glove.

Pitcher Terry Mulholland scratched his eye on a feather that was sticking out of a pillow.

Hall of Fame pitcher Phil Niekro was injured while shaking hands.

Pitcher Doc Gooden missed a start when a teammate accidentally hit him with a golf club in the locker room.

Shortstop Jason Bartlett tore the nail off his left pinky while sliding his hand under the television in his room at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.

Shortstop Juan Castro hurt his neck on the pillow at the same Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.

Infielder Kent Hrbek sprained an ankle wrestling with a clubhouse attendant, forcing him to miss the final ten days of the season.

Famed outfielder Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.

Kevin Mitchell also was hurt by a microwaved donut. Supposedly eating this led to his needing a root canal.

Pitcher Pascual Perez missed a game in Atlanta because he couldn't find the correct exit ramp on the freeway. OK, it's not an injury, but it's pretty funny!

Wade Boggs hurt his back putting on his cowboy boots.

Pitcher Mike Remlinger missed 15 days because he broke his left pinky in a clubhouse recliner.

Reliever Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while trying to tear a phone book in half.

Pitcher Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident - he was trying to pass the team bus at the time.

John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing the shirt he was wearing.

Outfielder Oddibe McDowell sliced his hand while buttering a roll at the annual "Welcome Luncheon" held by the Texas Rangers.

Pitcher Charlie Hough broke his finger shaking hands.

Nolan Ryan missed a start after being bitten by a coyote.

Shortstop Bobby Crosby cracked two ribs while swinging the bat during opening day practice.

Outfielder Terry Harper separated a shoulder after high-fiving a teammate.

Outfielder Vince Coleman missed the entire 1985 World Series after being rolled up in the tarp machine at Busch Stadium.

Pitcher David Cone missed a start because his mother-in-law's Jack Russell Terrier bit him.

Hall of Famer George Brett broke a toe on a chair when he was running from the kitchen to the living room to see baseball on TV.

Future Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn missed several games because he smashed his finger in the door of his luxury car, on the way to the bank.

Pitcher Carlos Zambrano was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome after spending as many as five hours daily on the Internet.

Red Sox rookie Clarence Blethen thought he looked older and meaner if he took his false teeth out when he pitched. He forgot to put them back in his mouth when he was batting. While sliding into second base to break up a double play, his own teeth bit himself in the butt.

Luckily (for you), this is a written medium and not a spoken one, because I've pretty much lost my voice. It skipped town, thanks, in part, to T1 and his recent illness. He didn't mean to drive it away, I'm sure. Did he have to give it cab fare, though?

Here's something to start off your day. I got it from Dad, who got it from my aunt. I've seen it before, but some lessons need to be taught again and again.

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

************************************************************
MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.

I'm kind of confused. If you say you don't want to get into a name-calling battle with a group of people, is it the wisest thing to, in the same sentence, call one of those people an "attack dog"?

Wow... that's... mature.

This Weeks Soldier Was Suggested By Sunny Kay

Col. Cyril Richard "Rick" Rescorla
68 years old from New York City, New York
16th Air Assault Brigade, Parachute Regiment (England)
Platoon Leader of 2nd Battalion, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) (U.S.)
September 11, 2001


Col. Rick Rescorla is a multiple time hero. In 1957 he enlisted in the British Army and began training as a paratrooper with The Parachute Regiment of the 16th Air Assault Brigade. He went on to serve with an intelligence unit in Cyprus, a paramilitary police inspector in the Northern Rhodesia Police (now the Zambia Police Service). When his military career ended in England he joined the Metropolitan Police Service in London. But he found the paperwork too boring and quite at the behest of a friend who encouraged him to join the United State Army. Which he did.

In 1963, Rescorla enlisted, with his friend, in the United States Army. After he completed basic training he attended officer training school and was assigned as a platoon leader in the 2nd Battalion, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile).

He was shipped to Vietnam and participated in the Battle of la Drang. While in Vietnam, he was given the nickname "Hard Core" by his men for his bravery in battle.

In 1968, Resorla became a U.S. citizen and continued his service in the Army Reserves until 1990 when he retired. In 1985 he joined a financial services firm, located in the World Trade Center, as security director.

In 1993, when the WTC was bombed, Rescorla was instrumental in evacuating people from the building. Afterwards, he enacted a policy in which all employees of the firm practiced evacuation drills every three months.

September 11, 2001. Rick Rescorla was supposed to be on vacation getting ready for his daughters wedding. Instead he was at work covering a shift for one of his deputies so that he could go on vacation. When American Airlines Flight 11 hit Tower 1, Rescorla ignored officials advice to stay put and opted instead to put his evacuation drills to use. While evacuating the 3,800 employees of his firm in Towers 2 and 5 he kept reminding them "be proud to be an American ...everyone will be talking about you tomorrow" and sang God Bless America over his bullhorn. When Flight 175 struck Tower 2, Rescorla had already evacuated most of the employees from his firm as well as many others from other floors. He then went back in, despite being told he needed to evacuate himself. The last known words anyone heard him say were, "As soon as I make sure everyone else is out". Tower 2 collapsed with Rick Rescorla last seen heading to the 10th floor looking for more people to help.

As a result of his actions that day, all but six employees of his firm made it out alive. One of those being him and three others being his deputies who followed him into Tower 2, Wesley Mercer, Jorge Velazquez, and Godwin Forde.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. If you would like to participate in honoring the brave men and women who serve this great country, you can find out how by going here.

Here are the headlines:

General:

• At what point will the Feds arrest bozos like Mayor Newsom when they flaunt their violation of federal law? Evidently, no time soon...
  
• What do you want to bet that this mom will be arrested for child abuse for her creative discipline methods?
  
• Boris Yeltsin has passed away. Wow... I thought the pickling would have kept him alive forever.
  
• Iran says it won't use oil as a weapon. Uh-huh... and we believe Mahmoud... why?
  
• Do we want people to know when we're doing terrorism drills?
  
• The headline reads "US had secret plans to attack Israel in 1967." Let's be serious here. We have plans to attack everybody all the time. I'll bet we even have plans to invade Canada.
  
• Syria is planning for a summer war. Oh, really? Do tell...
  
• A couple is planning on spending three years at sea without pulling into port. Good luck with that. (I give 'em 6 months.)
  

Politics:

• Hillary would never break campaign finance rules... would she? (This article says she could face 5 years for the felony. Oh, yeah... like that's gonna happen.)
• Speaking of Hillary, she'd make Bill an ambassador. Is that such a good move?
  
• Memo to Dems- voting for a ban because you think the Supreme Court will strike it down isn't a good plan...
  
• Jerry Patterson and other Texas lawmakers might carry at the Capitol, but did they really want their names publicized?
  
• Harry Reid is going to push through the time-table legislation. Did he not pay attention when the President said he'd pull out the veto pen?
  
• The Goracle is secretly planning for a run for the White House. Am I happy or sad about that?
  
• My sympathies go out to the McDonald family. Rep. Juanita Millender-McDonald passed away over the weekend. I hate to seem so cold at a time like this, but... did she know she had cancer when she ran for office last fall?
  

VA Tech and related (gun) topics:

• Fred! Thompson weighs in on concealed carry on campuses.
  
• Before the gun ban on campuses, students with guns subdued a gunmen and kept the death toll down.
  
• Lobbyists want to limit access to guns for those who are mentally ill. (I'm ok with that... to a certain extent. Standard issue depression doesn't mean a person is irrational.)
  
• Students at VT have had enough of the media and are asking that they leave. NOW.
  

Global Warming:

• Sheryl Crow thinks we should only use one square of toilet paper for each visit to the loo. Then again, she also has a clothing line with removable sleeves to be used as napkins.
  
• Speaking of Sheryl Crow, are her tractor trailers, buses, and cars all bio-diesel?
• Speaking of Sheryl again, there's a time and a place for everything. That was neither the time nor the place to get in Rove's face. Talk about rude...
• After all that Sheryl, you'll probably want something to numb the brain cells. In Germany, thanks to bio-fuels, proper numbing agents will cost more. (Raising the price of beer in order to made bio-diesel isn't going to go well.)
  

Science:

• NASA released 3D photos of the sun. No word on if you can see the SUVs that are causing the solar flares and warming.
  
• There are cycles in our universe? Who knew?
  
• Is Mako good eats?
• To paraphrase the quote: "Do not meddle in the affairs of crocodiles for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
  
• Scientists have found out what happens when rabbits act like... well... rabbits.
  

This Weeks Soldier Was Submitted By Anna

Chief Master Sgt. John Gebhardt
Superintendent of the 22nd Wing Medical Group at McConnell Air Force Base


Have you heard of Chief Master Sgt. John Gebhardt? Maybe you have and maybe you haven't. CMSgt. Hebhardt gain some notoriety recently. Not for an action that he took on the battlefield, but rather for a picture(not shown because it is graphic) that was taken of him.

In 2006, CMSgt. John Gebhardt was photographed holding a little Iraqi girl that had been injured. Her family had been attacked by insurgents. Both of her parents were killed, along with many of her siblings, and she had been shot in the head and left for dead. But she was tougher than that. She was brought to Balad Air Base Hospital where she was operated on and ultimately saved. As you can imagine, it was an extremely hard time for this little girl. Her recovery was hellish. But when CMSgt. Gebhardt would hold her, she seemed to be comforted. He spent many nights sleeping in a chair with her in his arms. The picture wast taken by a fellow airman while CMSgt. Gebhardt and the little girl were napping. Said CMSgt. Gebhardt, "I'm sure that probably just gave her some inner peace that she could reach."

On a side note. This is why I started doing these Wednesday Hero posts. Because of people like Chief Master Sgt. John Gebhardt. It's soldiers like him that make me proud of our military.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. If you would like to participate in honoring the brave men and women who serve this great country, you can find out how by going here.

Nothing serious today. I need something a little light. Like these British news clips, for starters:

Why We Like The British - FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS

(1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

(2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)

(3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

(4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

(5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

(6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

32 people lost their lives yesterday because of a mentally unstable English major. (Don't even try to argue whether or not he was mentally unstable- a mentally stable individual doesn't do what he did yesterday.) Now, barely 24 hours later, the talking heads are talking security (not necessarily a bad thing) and gun control (very bad, knee-jerk reaction). And they're talking to every student at Virginia Tech (at least that's how it seems).

The information the Feds are handing out is interesting. The shooter was a resident alien who was attending Virginia Tech. And yes, it is legal for resident aliens to purchase handguns. He passed the background check. There was no way of knowing he was going to kill his girlfriend. Or 31 other people. It was all legal.

Do you know what wasn't legal? To carry a concealed weapon on campus. Statistically, who knows if there would have been someone with a CCL in the Norris building yesterday? But... there could have been. But here's what VT's spokesperson said after the bill that would have allowed concealed weapons on campus was defeated.

Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker was happy to hear the bill was defeated. "I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus."

Do the students feel safe today, Larry? Guns don't kill people- madmen with guns kill people. And responsible citizens with guns sometimes kill madmen.

I almost feel petty going on about this. I mean, 33 people are dead. There is time for this later, right? Not if the Brady crowd gets there first. They will use fear and ignorance to push through legislation taking away even more rights of law-abiding citizens and guaranteeing, eventually, that only criminals have guns. (Ask Australia and England if you don't believe me.) I just had to bring it up.

There are other things to rant about in this sad, tragic story. Journalists who ask stupid questions just because that's what they do. Tucker Carlson asking what it all means and what we can learn from it. Students jumping in front of every camera they can find to tell their tale (I can see why the MSM would talk to the kid who got shot in the arm and the kids who were directly involved, but... the grad student whose wife called him and told him about it as he was driving to campus???) The "security" activists who are second-guessing the university's response without knowing all the details. The politicians who are already triangulating their position for maximum effect. The Europeans blaming Charlton Heston for the shooting. Stuff like that...

And there are the stories of bravery. The one I keep thinking about is the professor who barricaded the classroom door so his class could escape through the window. He was shot as he blocked the door. He was 76 years old and a Holocaust survivor.

His is the story I will focus on today. The sadness is better than the anger today.

I'm not a gamer geek, but I live with some, so I can pretend that I know something about cons. For those of you who know even less than I do about game cons, it's a chance for gamers to get together and... well... play games. RPGs (role playing games) mostly, but you do get a random board or card game once in a while.

Why do I mention something that I know next to nothing about? Because on June 9th, the con world will turn an interesting shade of desert camouflage.

When President Bush ordered troops to Iraq, he probably never imagined that he would be ultimately be responsible for what very well could be the very first D&D convention/game day ever held in a war zone. Ziggurat Con, being held June 9 from 1200 to 2100 hours at Camp Adder/Tallil Airbase, is open to all allied military personnel and civilian contractors in Iraq.

What does this have to do with you? Well... they need a little help.

The largest problem with running a Con in Iraq, of course, is that there are no local stores or game publishers, and few game books on the post. Even dice are in short supply, with many soldiers breaking the unwritten taboo held by many gamers and (gasp!) sharing dice. Thankfully, many game publishers have also lent their support, and have agreed to supply game products to help the Con along. aethereal FORGE, Sovereign Press, Final Redoubt Press, Goodman Games, Paizo Publishing and Steve Jackson Games are among those that have thrown in their support for the convention. But Amberson indicated that the soldiers could definitely use more.

"This convention is currently in drastic need of prizes and giveaways for the troops," he said. "Everything donated will go directly to the troops, or to MWR to use as loaner books for the soldiers."

For more information, contact SPC David Amberson at the following address: david.amberson (at) iraq.centcom.mil

There's also a snail mail address for sending in goodies.

Come on. I know a few of you are gamer geeks. You know you want to help a fellow gamer. Right?

Lots of fun and frivolity today in the news. Or, at least, a lot of news.

Breaking:

• Virginia Tech is under lockdown due to 2 shootings this morning. 17 Students have been treated for gunshot and other wounds. (One victim said it seemed random, and it was an Asian-looking male in his mid-twenties who shot him.) (UPDATE: local news is reporting that one shooter is dead. They're also reporting over 20 dead.)
  

General:

• Several radio hosts (and their fans) are headed to DC to protest immigration reform.
• And it looks like they'll be meeting up with a bunch of angry truck drivers.
  
• Looks like that Wal-Mart boycott is going like gangbusters.
  
• Knut's under the weather.
  
• Imus can't say it, but this rapper can... 100 times in one song.
  
• Speaking of Imus, Pravda thinks he was fired because he was going to spill the beans on 9/11. uh-huh... sure... you keep believing that...
  
• Health crisis in the UK. Doctors are refusing to do abortions. uh... wait... that's not a crisis... that's good news.
  
• Gov. Corzine is doing a little better. Best wishes to him and his family. (And... just a friendly word to everyone reading about his injuries- BUCKLE UP!)
  
• Bill Maher proves, once again, what a class act he is.
  
• Speaking of class acts, Michael Moore is making a new movie. From the title, it looks like it's going to be autobiographical.
  
• Can you imagine the uproar if there was a hetero-specific radio station?
  

Politics:

• Rudy's headed to Regent University tomorrow. I don't think he's going to get a warm reception.
  
• Obama says the "sun is shining" on him. Hope he remembered the sunscreen.
  
• Lurch is contemplating another go at the White House. Vets, arm yourselves with the truth... again...
  
• As for Edward's "2 Americas", I guess this tells us which one he lives in. I don't spend $400 in an entire year on haircuts. And he's turning into such the Southern gentleman, isn't he?
  
• So much for sticking up for the middle class. More like sticking it to the middle class.
  
• Donors shifting from Hillary to Barack. I guess a night in the Lincoln bedroom isn't worth as much as they thought.
  
• "Fred! for President" gains momentum.
  
• A Canadian moonbat stands by his praise for the 9/11 attack. Lovely neighbors we've got. (Right Girl excluded, of course).
  
• Ellis has a point (I can't believe I just typed that). If the Dems think that Fox News is the evil dragon to be slain, how are they going to handle real evil?
  
• Ya gotta love the Germans. They're never going to learn, are they? (Well... at least they didn't tell the recruits to "imagine you're shooting Jews.")
  
• People are targeting little kids with acid, and I'm not talking drugs here. (That second one happened in my zip code, so I'm more than a little concerned...)
  

Sports:

• Tim Duncan, not known as a trouble maker, was tossed from the game last night. Why? I'm not sure anyone knows.
  
• Crazy people actually ran the Boston Marathon this morning in the horrible weather. (At least she didn't have to run in the rain.)
  
• Landis' "sample B" is being tested. I hope this turns out better than the original.
  
• It's about time. (Sorry, Brewers fans...) And just in time- my dad and sister are going to the game tonight.
  

Science:

• Global warming, right?
  
• The article is just plain common sense, but the title- "Knowledge Makes Learning Easier"- is just goofy.
  
• Not what you'd expect at a Christie's auction, is it?
  
• "Did you guys see the size of that there chicken?"
  
• Don't stare at the apes- you'll make them sad.
  

Here are some cute definitions:

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Account: A countess' husband.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Atheism: A non-prophet organization.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney: Where some skirt hemlines fall.

Barium: What we do to most people when they die.

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read.

Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Coffee: A person who is coughed upon.

College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Derange: Where dee buffalo roam.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Eclipse: What an Italian barber does for a living.

Egotist: Someone me-deep in conversation.

Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Fancy restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

(I got this in an e-mail from another one of the Cotillion Beths)

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3 She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL A**" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

First, my $.02 on the whole Don Imus curfluffle. I don't like him, but I do appreciate his charity work. I don't listen to or watch his show (part of the "I don't like him" thingy). He said something he shouldn't have said (but that a black radio host could have probably said and not gotten in trouble for). It wasn't nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be, but... he still shouldn't have said it. Should he be canned for it? No. There's this neat thing called "free speech," and that includes stupid speech.

Also, you can't really look past the point that CNN has been going 24/7 on this, and recent ratings showed that Imus' MSNBC show was routinely beating CNN's morning show. Coincidence?

OK, all that being said... here's a rough draft of something that was said on Imus' show this morning:

6:12 AM: On Imus' radio program (no longer simulcast on MSNBC) this morning, Chris Carlin, who covers sports for the program, discussed yesterday's dismissal of charges against the Duke lacrosse players. (rough transcript)

DON IMUS: When will Al Sharpton be apologizing to them?

(LAUGHTER)

CARLIN: I'm unaware of such a press conference.

IMUS: I'll be darned...

In case you don't know what he was talking about, The Reverend Al pretty much tried and convicted the lacrosse players every chance he got in front of a microphone, adding in that "they thought they could get away with raping a black girl because they are rich white guys." (And I guess we can't really get into any of his scandals, right?)

Being a white chick, I've been informed that I can't speak to racial issues, since I've never been discriminated against. Yeah, that's true. But it's also true that I can look at a situation and see if it's bad behavior or not, and if it's over-reaction or not. Honestly, I have pretty high behavior standards- I expect civility and respect in all situations unless and until the person proves themselves personally unworthy of civility and respect. It's from that position that I make my comments.

Is there true racism that still goes on in this country? I'm not sure, but, if it does happen, I don't think it's as bad as some would lead you to believe. Do people make racist comments? Oh yeah- I've heard them. Do people make blanket judgements based on irrelevent characteristics? Yeah. Do people make mountains out of molehills about nothing more than words? Yeah.

Dwelling on it is the social equivalent of picking at a scab- the wounds just take longer to heal and leave a nasty scar. Don Imus screwed up big time, and he should apologize for it, vow to never do it again, and then everyone should get on with their lives. Al Sharpton (and every other self-righteous, hypocritical moron who screams racism with every breath) needs to apologize to every person he's ever offended with his blanket racist innuendos and accusations, vow to never do it again, and get on with life.

Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. Don's going to get canned, and Al's going to be a hero. And that's not right.

This Weeks Solider Was Summited By Lt. Schneider

SSgt. Keith "Matt" Maupin
24 years old from Batavia, Ohio
Army Reserves 724th Transportation Company
MIA Since April 9, 2004



Strength, perseverance and determination is how you would describe the family of SSgt. Keith Maupin. Because even though their son has been missing now for almost three years, his parents still haven't given up hope that he's still alive. Said his father, Keith Maupin, "I'm saying it ain't over till the fat lady sings and when she sings, I'm going to choke her. That's what I say. They're going to find Matt." His mother, Carolyn, was quoted as saying, "We're to keep our hope up. And praying until they can prove to us 100 percent either way. And that's what I'm going to do. And I realize we only have a 50/50 chance here, but I'm not going the low road. I'm going the high road"

SSGt. Maupin, who was PFC. Maupin when he was capture and has since received two promotions, was reported MIA when his fuel convoy came under attack near the Baghdad International Airport. Along with Maupin was Sgt. Elmer Krause and seven employees of U.S. contractor Kellogg, Brown & Root. All of whom were either rescued or escaped. Seven days later, on April 16, Al-Jazeera aired a video tape of Maupin in which he was forced to admit that he was went to Iraq unwillingly. Then on June 28, 2004, Al-Jazerra reported that PFC. Maupin had been executed by a group calling themselves Persistent Power Against the Enemies of God and the Prophet. But no concrete proof has surfaced either way.

His parents have created a website called Yellow Ribbon Support Center if you would like to check it out. And while most in the media have forgotten Keith Maupin, Wednesday Hero hasn't.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. If you would like to participate in honoring the brave men and women who serve this great country, you can find out how by going here.

There are a few interesting tidbits out there today.

General:

• CBS plagiarizing? Nah... couldn't be...
  
• American Airlines has a new website to try to get more female passengers. Here's a hint- quit spending money on stupid stuff like this, give us more leg room, and be a bit more consumer-friendly. Fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies don't hurt, either.
  
• Does this mean we can outlaw NYC?
• Fire has destroyed Johnny Cash's home.
  
• The charges in the "Duke rape case" are being dropped. Well, duh...
  
• You put kids in a clothes dryer and this is all that happened to you?
  
• Someone doesn't like motorcyclists, I guess.
  
• So... you steal a bunch of dresses in Arizona... and then you're caught with them as you try to get back into the US? Why did you leave in the first place? (I'm guessing they were going to use the truck to bring in illegals, but... why not clean it out first?)
• Planned Parenthood is going to weigh in on this one, aren't they? ("Self abortion"? Why didn't she just try a wire hanger? Then she'd be a poster child for legalized abortion. This way, she's just... stupid.)
  
• Windows has security issues? Again?
  

Politics:

• I guess this means that Newt doesn't really want to run for President (well... on the GOP ticket, anyway).
  
• The Shadow Government might be headed to Iran. (Can we arrest them then?)
  
• Obama wants all or nothing... good luck with that, Barack.
  
• Fred! gets an endorsement... before he's decided if he's even running or not.
• A bunch of old fogies are supporting McCain... citing his heroism and his policy stands. um... what McCain did in the VietNam war is to be honored... but that's not a reason to elect him President. As for his stands... me thinks these guys are getting a bit scatterbrained in their old age. Reagan he's not.
  
• If Senator Johnson is well enough to raise money for re-election, then he's well enough to go back to DC. It's one or the other, Senator.
  

Science:

• (This could be cross-referenced in politics) Another adult stem cell success story? Do tell...
  
• These animal pics are just cute.
  
• My mom would have loved this. A purple planet? Too bad there's no real photos of this...
  
• I never knew bats were such party animals.
  
• An extrasolar planet with oxygen and carbon, water, and is easily observed? Cool. Too bad we'd never be able to actually... you know... colonize it. (It's a bit too warm for that.)
  

Sports:

• Kevin Durant is one and done. Will Oden go as well? If so, who goes first in the draft?
  
• Michael Waltrip... reckless driving? Isn't that what he does for a living?
  
• Hank Aaron is thinking about playing golf... far away... if/when Barry breaks his record.
  

Weirdness:

• I thought swans ate fish.
  

For all of us who want Fred! to run for the GOP nomination for President, this is not a good thing (well, it's not good for Fred! either).

Former Tennessee Republican Sen. Fred Thompson says he's in remission from lymphoma.

Thompson, who is considering a run for the White House in 2008, says the illness is treatable.

"I have had no illness from it, or even any symptoms. My life expectancy should not be affected. I am in remission, and it is very treatable with drugs if treatment is needed in the future—and with no debilitating side effects," Thompson said.

He's going to be on Neil Cavuto's show this afternoon. Anyone want to guess if he'll announce today anyway?

Hey... a girl can dream, can't she?

What is a "proper" and "safe" speed limit for a street that rings a neighborhood, but that has no homes actually on it? There are no stop signs (except at the entrance/exit to the loop).

It's currently set at 30mph. It seems unnecessarily slow, but maybe that's just me.

(And, no, before you start making snide jokes, I didn't get a ticket. I'm just curious.)

No, it's not earth-shattering or anything like that (except for the baby), but Larry Birkhead is Dannilynn's biological father. Howard K. Stern seems like he's not going to be a jerk, which is good.

Ok... we now return you to more important things in your life...

Last weekend, one of the malls in Austin closed its doors a couple of hours early. Its reason? Several fights breaking out in the parking lot, a couple of shoplifters, and greater than normal crowds (because of the Texas Relays being held at UT). Here's what the mall had to say:

"Safety for our customers, our merchants, our staff is always Highland Mall's top priority. ...As a result of the combination of incidents that occurred and large amount of people, we chose to close the mall a couple hours earlier than normal."

Right away, the local NAA(L)CP representative went off on the racial tangent.

Linder says people were just tense about the crowds of African Americans in town for the Texas Relays, and all the black shoppers at Highland Mall.

“The problem is you have too many kids in one place,” Linder said. “The other problem is that the mall has overreactions to that many black folks being in one place.”

He went on to say that there are fights all the time on 6th Street, and no one calls for 6th Street to be shut down. (I know a lot of people who would love to see 6th Street tamed quite a bit, but that's neither here nor there.) He pointed to all of the white people on 6th Street as opposed to the black shoppers at the mall. I guess the fact that the "white people" (I've seen all skin tones there, but I'm sure he's right) are of legal age going from bar to bar, and the fact that the "black shoppers" at the mall were mostly minors just hanging around, loitering, and not actually shopping, are beside the point.

For some reason, I don't think race was why they shut down the mall. You see, there were several fights (in the mall itself and in the parking lot), and there was an abnormally large crowd of teenagers (with nothing better to do than loiter around the mall all day). There were also some shoplifters caught, and things were getting a bit tense.

I really doubt it was a racial thing. Not all the kids there were African American. (I've been to that mall on several occasions. Yes, there are a lot of African American kids there every weekend. There are also a lot of Hispanic kids hanging around. White kids? A few.) The mall is in a mostly minority part of town. Most of the employees at the mall (both retailers and security) are minority. Saying it was a racial incident covers up what really might have happened.

(What I'm about to tell you is hearsay. It might just be kids talking. You never know.) A white female student at a local high school was asked if she was planning on going to Highland Mall over the weekend. She said she might, and her friend (no race was mentioned) suggested that she not go because there were quite a few people going to the mall with the expressed purpose of getting into fights... because of all of the schools in town for the Relays.

Does it really matter what color the kids were? They were breaking the law (fighting, loitering), and something needed to be done. The easiest way to take care of the situation was to close the mall. At least they didn't try to drag all the kids off to jail.

No, Mr. Linder, it wasn't about race. It was about bad behavior. Those kids did it. End of story.

Looks like one Democrat went to General Petraeus' Iraq video conference last week. And one Democrat has come out against Democrats defunding plan. Same guy.

Coincidence? Has to be.

Sometimes with The Onion, it's hard to tell.

"We cannot afford to make a wrong move as we face this crucial crossroads in our nation's history, which is why we need to know for sure what decision you'll support the most before we make it," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser Monday, scrutinizing the assembled crowd for signs of approval. "The question facing us today is simple: Do you like us? If not, why? We demand an answer."

Added Pelosi: "The time for second-guessing our every move is now."

It's satire, only because Democrats won't actually say that. Or they just do what they think you want them to do, not paying attention to what people actually tell them to do. Either way, second-guessing is their modus operandi.

When you move into a new house, you want to get to know your neighbors, right? Not if you're Elizabeth Edwards.

Elizabeth Edwards says she is scared of the "rabid, rabid Republican" who owns property across the street from her Orange County home -- and she doesn't want her kids going near the gun-toting neighbor.

Edwards, the wife of Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, particularly recalls the time neighbor Monty Johnson brought out a gun while chasing workers investigating a right of way near his property. The Edwards family has yet to meet Johnson in person.

"I wouldn't be nice to him, anyway," Edwards said in an interview. "I don't want my kids anywhere near some guy who, when he doesn't like somebody, the first thing he does is pull a gun out. It scares the business out of me."

How... quaint. She hasn't actually met her neighbor, and she's basing her opinion of him on hearsay. Quite the Southern Bell, aren't you, Lizzie? You wouldn't be nice to him? Because he carries a weapon on his own property?

Well, let's see. People are trespassing on his property, so he goes out to find out what's going on. He has no idea who are what is on his property, so he decides to protect himself. And he's "rabid"? He didn't pull his gun because "he didn't like somebody"- he pulled it because he felt threatened on HIS OWN PROPERTY. Those people should have known better- called first, or at least knocked on the front door before they start wandering around someone else's property. That's just common courtesy. Too much to ask, I guess.

But, you know, that's really beside the point. Elizabeth Edwards has just made herself out to be a petty gossip and a snobby, judgemental harridan. "I don't want my kids around him." Why? He might be a nice guy. Oh, wait... he owns a gun... he can't be a nice guy, right? His property is "sloppy." He lives on 42 acres, and he doesn't have millions of dollars to sink into it. Oh, I know what the problem is- there's a *gasp* garage on the property- people actually work for a living there. Can't have that, now, can we?

If you don't like someone, take it up with the person (which she won't do because she doesn't want to try to get to know him) or let it drop. You don't talk trash about people, especially if your husband is running for President. Even if the person in question has a "Rudy" sign in his yard.

You know... it's really quite sad. I'm sorry that Mrs. Edwards has to deal with cancer again, and I wish her family nothing but peace and good health. I wouldn't have voted for her husband, but I always try to think the best of people until they prove me wrong. I think she just did.

I mean, to be an MSM anchor and have to say that things are... *gulp*... getting... BETTER in Iraq. That had to hurt.

It can't be true, can it? I mean, the Surge might actually be working? Say it isn't so!!!

It's never a big surprise when Democrats act like... well... Democrats. (An argument can very well be made that all politicians promise one thing and do another, but this bunch of Dems shows just how quckly that can happen.) Rich Lowry over at The Corner has some interesting quotes from our favorite fiends:

Sen Harry Reid (D-NV) :

"…I don’t think anyone can find a war that this country was engaged in where the funds were cut off. No one is talking about cutting off the funds."

Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) :

"I do not support cutting funding for American troops."

Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI) :

"We're not going to cut off funding to the troops … no one wants to do that."

Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) :

"I don't know of any senator who would cut off funds for troops in the field."

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN :

"I don’t think we should be pulling back any funds."

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA):

"Yes, the congress could cut off the funds. But the congress will not do that because our men and women are in harm’s way."

Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) :

"U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson ( D-FL ) today made clear his intention to oppose measures he sees as possibly undermining U.S. troops, like cutting funds... […] Nelson said today he’ll oppose efforts to cut off funding."

Now, these fine folks will tell you that they didn't vote to cut funding- they voted on a timetable. Semantics, at best. They explicitely tied funding to withdrawal, knowing that the President would veto it. It's a moot point, anyway- Reid, if he has his way, will change that and just cut funding.

News has been kind of... blah... let's see what I can find:

General:

• Mo "Imadinnerjacket" Ahmadinejad is releasing the British hostages "as a gift." Uh-huh... let's see if GB can be grateful enough for Mo's taste. I doubt anyone can be that grateful.
  
• I wonder if he really had problems with another kid at school, or if this was just a "suicide by cop" idea gone bad.
• More green lasers are being pointed at commercial aircraft. The question is "why?"
• The CCTVs in England are getting creepy.
  
• "Christian terrorists"??? How... (un)realistic. They're just the sort to take over a school and harm innocent children. Especially over such a (un)realistic scenario... idjits.
  
• I wonder what Sheriff Joe thinks about this. (He can't be too happy that people in his county are this frickin' stupid.)
  
• He had a prior conviction. Why was he even in this country so that he could kill two teenagers?
  
• BJU is right- gays don't have a problem with Christian universities; they have a problem with the Bible.
  
• This dingbat thought that the National Guard was a "humanitarian" organization. Yeah, buddy- that's why you learned how to shoot an M-16. You never know when that's going to come in handy while you fill sand bags or something. (Personally, I think this idiot should be stuck in Leavenworth for the duration- we really don't want him trying to defend our nation, do we?)
  
• Didn't they say the same thing about last year's hurricane season?
  
• Wow... let's just go against all the rest of the geological and archaeological data, shall we? (As one person commented in the news piece, it's a crisis for Egypt, and Egypt ignores crises.)
  

Politics:

• Evidently, the Dems don't even want to hear the word "terror." I guess it scares them or something.
  
• McCain's "spot" is worrying some people. (I don't like his politics, but I pray his cancer has not returned. I wish that on no person.)
  
• If stupid people lay in front of your car as you try to leave, is that an invitation to run over them? (If they hate Rove so much, why weren't they trying to get him to leave rather than blocking his exit???)
  
• I'm not sure which is more disconcerting- that a pro-Khomeini imam is giving an invocation at the Texas State Senate, or that the senior Jewish Senator sponsored his visit.
  
• I thought Mormons were conservative... oh, wait... they're professors without a clue (redundant, I know) ... n'er mind.
  

Environmental Whackyisms (and the sane opposition):

• Bob Murray gets it- "Al Gore is more dangerous than Global Warming."
  
• William F. Buckley thinks it's beginning to feel like The Inquisition.
• Leonardo DiCaprio, on the other hand, thinks we're "on the brink" (and yes, it's all our fault).
  
• And, yet, despite all of this warming, it snows in April.
  

Sports:

• The Lady Vols did it again.
  
• Memo to the Cards- y'all are the defending champs. At what point are you planning on acting like it?
  
• uh... JD... taking money is against the rules... unless you actually... you know... worked for it. Get over yourself.
  

Ew (yes, it gets its own category today):

• Is there anything Keith Richards won't snort? I guess not.
  
• She threw what on a student?
  

Weird:

• In case you were wondering if you can get a DUI while riding a horse, the answer is "yes".
  
• But you can't get one driving a Zamboni.
  
• Scientists seem to think that hexagonal clouds are weird. Well, duh...
  
• "Negligent dancing"? I'm not sure who should be more embarrassed- the dude charged with dropping a woman on her head, or the woman who filed the charges.
  
• Those are some big rats. They need to bring in some puma or something.
• County Monaghan knows how to treat its elders.
  

Maj. William D. Chesarek, Jr.
Royal Air Force's 847th Naval Air Squadron, Commando Helicopter Force


Maj. William D. Chesarek, Jr. has done something no other U.S. service member has done since WWII. On March 21 of this year, Maj. Chesarek was awarded the British Distinguished Flying Cross, by Queen Elizabeth, for saving lives and in recognition for his bravery during combat operations in Iraq. Maj. Chesark was assigned as an exchange officer with the Royal Air Force's 847th Naval Air Squadron, Commando Helicopter Force in 2005 and was the pilot of the RAF’s Lynx Mk7 helicopter.

On the evening of June 10, 2006, Chesarek was providing radio communication relay for British ground troops conducting a company-sized search operation near Amarah, Iraq. Listening to radio transmissions, he overheard that a vehicle involved in the operation had became disabled and a crowd of insurgents was firing small arms and rocket-propelled grenades at the company.

According to his award citation, "Chesarek elected to fly low over the area in an attempt to distract the crowd and if possible, to engage the insurgents." Because the crowd was so close to the ground troops, instead of engaging his machine gun, he "opted instead to provide bold, harassing, very low level flight over the area in an attempt to disperse the crowd."

You can read Maj. Chesarek's story in it's entirety here.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. If you would like to participate in honoring the brave men and women who serve this great country, you can find out how by going here.

I guess Nancy Pelosi wants to make sure everyone knows she's violating the Logan Act.

Any citizen of the United States, wherever he may be, who, without authority of the United States, directly or indirectly commences or carries on any correspondence or intercourse with any foreign government or any officer or agent thereof, with intent to influence the measures or conduct of any foreign government or of any officer or agent thereof, in relation to any disputes or controversies with the United States, or to defeat the measures of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both.

She has already commented (I'm looking for a link to the quote- no luck so far) that she and the Dems are developing foreign policy relationships apart from the United States government. Sound like a violation of the Logan Act, at least, if not treason (since the Syrians are supporting our enemies in the War on Terror).

But, yeah... I know... she's not going to be indicted. None of the Dems are. They can't be. They're beyond reproach, or so we've been told. Blah...blah...blah... whatever.

There's an interesting pic of Madam Speaker during a tour she took in Damascus.

U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, looks at the tomb containing the head of St. John the Baptist inside the historic Ommayad Mosque, during her tour at a popular market in downtown Damascus, Syria, Tuesday April 3, 2007.

How did the Muslims get John the Baptist's head? The photo in this article show Madam Speaker evidently making the Sign of the Cross at the Tomb. So... she's performing a sacrilegious gesture based on an infidel religion inside a mosque and she didn't get beheaded? What's up with that?

I guess they realized they can't behead their best hope for taking over this country.

My babies!!! My babies!!!

OK, I *think* I got that out of my system.

The peach fuzz sitting on my kids' upper lips has gotten long enough that some form of trimmage is necessary. So, the question becomes- scissors to trim it or just surrender and introduce the boys to the razor? And if a razor- electric or foam and blade?

Yikes!!! I'm too young for this stuff!!!!

Isn't there an old saying about those forgetting the past being doomed to repeat it? Looks like England is doomed, then.

Schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Governmentbacked study has revealed.

It found some teachers are reluctant to cover the atrocity for fear of upsetting students whose beliefs include Holocaust denial.

Their beliefs include Holocaust denial? What does their belief have to do with historical fact? OK- I don't want schools to teach that the earth is round because I'm a flat earther. (No, I'm not really- I'm trying to make a point here). And, honestly, neither side came out of the Crusades smelling like roses, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't taught that in my Catholic school history classes. History classes are supposed to teach about what happened during a certain time period, regardless of whether or not the students believe it.

There is also resistance to tackling the 11th century Crusades - where Christians fought Muslim armies for control of Jerusalem - because lessons often contradict what is taught in local mosques.

That's just peachy. My school taught about the Inquisition, and that's not something the Catholic Church (which I was raised in) is proud of or wants publicized. They also taught evolution, which the Catholic Church also (at least used to) frown upon. Why were we taught it? Well... let's see... The Inquisition happened, therefore it should be in the history lesson. Evolution is a scientific theory and should be taught (along with other viable theories) to explain how we came into being. It's called education.

education: the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.

What kind of education are these kids getting? First, they're learning that you should never offend anyone, especially those who make a fashion statement with an explosive vest. Second, they are learning that there is no objective fact, just feelings and beliefs that very from person to person and should never be discounted. Third, they are learning to cave into every person that whines in their general direction. Oh, yeah... those are lessons I want my kids to learn. T

he report concluded: "In particular settings, teachers of history are unwilling to challenge highly contentious or charged versions of history in which pupils are steeped at home, in their community or in a place of worship."

Last time I checked, pupils in Great Britain could attend private schools or *gasp* home school or tutor. History teachers should teach... HISTORY. Not political correctness. Not some warped view of history. The cold hard facts with some context will work just fine, thankyouverymuch. If you don't like it, pull your kid out of the school and put them someplace where your little skulls full of mush can learn exactly what you want them to learn, facts be damned.

Today is my dad's birthday. No, I'm not going to tell you how old he is. I will tell you that his doctor doesn't believe he's as old as he is.

In honor of his birthday, I give you this.