Yeah, Right, Whatever

This evening, I had the honor of attending a fundraiser for Michael L. Williams. He is just as warm and friendly as you'd imagine he'd be if you've seen his speech at the Texas Republican convention, and he's just as passionate about his position on the Texas Railroad Commission and the issues that entails. I'm impressed with his ideas on where Texas needs to head in energy production, both with established sources and new technology.

You know... if a girl were allowed to day dream, she might let her thoughts wander to a day when Chairman Williams had a different job... perhaps taking over in Austin when Governor Perry is finished in 2010... or maybe even one in Washington, DC (a House or Senate seat... or... dare I even think it?)... That's a good dream. 

In the interest of fairness, I looked up his opponent in the upcoming election. Sometime soon, I will address all five points in his Five Point Plan, but I want to knock one off right now. He wants (rightly so) to change the name of the Texas Railroad Commission to something else since it has nothing to do with railroads anymore and everything to do with energy. There's one small problem. The Commission tried to get the name changed, and The Powers That Be™ (I'm guessing the Legislature) said, "no." No matter who is elected in November, I'm sure this will be visited again. It's just that with Chairman Williams, it's not a major campaign point.

Supreme Court Justice Kennedy usually plays the role as the swing vote on the Supreme Court, unfortunately usually swinging to the Left. Today, he switched course and swayed in the breeze to the side of upholding the Constitution.

The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Americans have a right to own guns for self-defense in their homes, the justices' first major pronouncement on gun rights in U.S. history.

The court's 5-4 ruling struck down the District of Columbia's 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment. The decision went further than even the Bush administration wanted, but probably leaves most firearms restrictions intact.

The court had not conclusively interpreted the Second Amendment since its ratification in 1791. The amendment reads: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

I encourage everyone to at least scan the first link (the actual opinion) for two reasons. First, it shows how reasonable, rational, and passionate Justice Scalia and the majority Justices are when it comes to this issue. They took the time to understand the words that the Founders used (check out Blackstone's Legal Dictionary to get a glimpse at what "militia" meant at the time, as well as other terms which have changed in contextual meaning over the centuries) and took the Founders at their word- people have the right to keep and bear arms. Period.

Secondly, it shows, in the dessenting opinions, how deluded some of the Justices truly are. To quote Justice Stevens: The opinion the Court announces today fails to identify any new evidence supporting the view that the Amendment was intended to limit the power of Congress to regulate civilian uses of weapons. Well, yes, Justice Stevens, the Amendment (as well as the rest of the Bill of Rights) was intended to limit the power of Congress. That's why the Bill of Rights is there to begin with- too limit the power of the Federal government to interfere in individual's lives.

I applaud the Supreme Court for getting this one right. You had us scared for a moment.

This Weeks Hero Was Suggested by Mary Ann

Staff Sgt. Jude Voss
1st Battalion, 3d Special Forces Group (Airborne)


His courage illustrates a combat truth to these veterans of World War II, Korea and Vietnam: Soldiers aren’t thinking about glory or ideals in the midst of a battle. They fight for the men to the left and right of them.

And that's just what SSgt. Jude Voss did in September of 2006 when, without consideration to his safety, SSgt. Voss ran through enemy fire and the burning, smoking debris of a truck to rescue Sgt. 1st Class Greg Stube. Sgt. Stube was in a bad way. Uniform burning and legs busted, but because of the actions of SSgt. Voss he is alive today.

Because of his actions that day, SSgt. Voss was nominated for and received the Silver Star Medal for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action. "I did what everybody out there would do" Voss said. "I was just the closest guy."

You can read SSgt. Voss's story here.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Have Every Right To Dream Heroic Dreams. Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

I'm not a huge fan of Greco-Roman wrestling. OK, that's probably an understatement- I'm not a fan of wrestling at all, even though my uncle was a wrestler back in the day. That doesn't mean that this isn't kind of cool.

U. S. Army Staff Sgt. Dremiel Byers defeats U.S. Army World Class Athlete Program teammate Army Spc. Tim Taylor in the finals of the 264.5-pound Greco-Roman division of the 2008 U.S. Olympic Team Trials for Wrestling at the Thomas and Mack Center, University of Nevada, Las Vegas, June 15, 2008. Byers won the best-of-three series, 2-1, and earned a berth in the Summer Olympics in Beijing, China. U.S. Army photo by Tim Hipps

Well, that's one way for the Army to invade China, right? Good luck to Staff Sgt. Byers!!!

Rick Noriega was on KCRS-AM this morning, and he made sure that everyone knew that he opposes domestic drilling and gas production. Then he made an interesting comment concerning where he would drill.

“[L]et’s go ahead and start drilling. Let’s go drill in Iraq right now…Why are we going to use our resources, our limited resources that we have control over within our own nation versus what we are sitting on these oil fields over there?” (Rick Noriega, KCRS Midland, 6/24/08)

I honestly have no problem with purchasing Iraqi oil at a discount since we were kind enough to liberate them... if they make the offer. It's still their oil. But back to what Mr. Noriega had to say.

“You had asked me, Robert, last time ‘would you be amenable to drilling domestically?’ And my answer would be, I think, that we need to conserve and reserve those resources for our children or our grandchildren. Once we tap in they’re gone. What I would say immediately is what happened to the- we’re sitting on oil fields right now in Iraq and it has not influenced the supply in any way. And we’re spending $12 billion a month in Iraq, and as a result we’re not benefiting any, and they’re not paying for our efforts there as well. Our children and grandchildren on their credit cards will have to pay that.” (Rick Noriega, KCRS Midland, 6/24/08)

So... we're supposed to save our reserves for our kids, right? Wow. I thought Democrats wanted to get away from all that icky petroleum and move toward alternative, sustainable energy. I thought they wanted to be done with fossil fuels long before our grandchildren get old enough to power a vehicle. Glad we cleared that up. I guess.

Y'all know I'm in favor of responsible, common sense conservation. In this case, it means private enterprise encouraging folks to keep their vehicles taken care of, private industries working on alternative energy ideas, private companies surveying to see what's hidden under our country, drilling and refining what we have on hand, and... wait for it... government getting out of the way. That doesn't really sound like what Rick Noriega has in mind.

We honestly don't know how much oil we have buried underneath us. If the Democrats have their way, we may never know.

How often do you see an American League pitcher hit a grand slam home run? Oh, about once every 37 years or so.

Facing a fellow ace from Venezuela, Hernandez connected off Santana (7-6) with two outs in the second inning to give Seattle a 4-0 lead.

"My approach? Just swing. I closed my eyes," said Hernandez, who figured it was his first home run since Little League. "I was happy and I was thinking that's all I need -- four runs."

The opposite-field shot to right-center was the first home run by a pitcher in Mariners history, and the first slam by an AL hurler since Cleveland's Steve Dunning went deep against Oakland's Diego Segui on May 11, 1971, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

What makes this even more beautiful? They beat the Mets. Gotta love that.

I haven't always been the biggest fan of Jason Isringhausen, closer for the St. Louis Cardinals. I mean, I have to have a player to dislike, right? (I mean, besides Chris Duncan.) But, I have to say, when Izzy gets bored, he gets creative.

Yes, my friends, that is a motorized cooler. Not just motorized, but drivable. And yes, I know where I can get me one of those. (According to Dead Spin, they are available in team colors, but I can't verify that at this time.) If you are in New York, be warned that it is considered a motorized vehicle, so carry your license and drive responsibly, ok?

Now, whether or not Izzy actually built it himself (it does look like one of these), it's still a really cool contraption, and cudos to Izzy for thinking to get one. And, don't worry... someone's already warned them as far as the Tony-DUI angle is concerned.

Frank J is up to usual good stuff with his "My Vision for America." Read the comments. They're almost as good as the post. I especially like "Diplomacy" (comment #13)

Which one of the US Senate candidates from Texas really support veterans? Over Memorial Day weekend, Rick Noriega tried to make the case (poorly) that he was the candidate that supports the troops. Senator Cornyn now shows why he's the candidate that actually does support veterans and their families. Vets for Freedom back Cornyn, which should tell you something.

George Carlin passed away last night. He was 71 years old.

Here is the only clip I could find of him that wasn't saturated with the Seven Words you can't say on television.

Anyone who plays (or even watches) baseball or softball knows about switch hitters. They're a great asset for a team. But have you ever heard of a switch pitcher*?

If you don't feel like sitting through the video, there's a minor league pitcher, Pat Venditte, who is literally a switch pitcher. He has a six-fingered glove so he can switch between arms at will. In Venditte's debut in minor league ball, a switch hitter, Ralph Henriquez, came to plate and tried to go to the "opposite side" (it's easier for a leftie to hit off of a right-handed pitcher, and vice versa). They did this odd little dance back and forth- Henriquez would check which hand Venditte had his glove on, and moved to appropriate side of the plate. Venditte then changed the glove to the other hand, and it started over again. And again. And again.

Finally, the managers and umpires got together for a conference at home plate, and, some seven minutes later, the decision was made that the batter can change once, and so can the pitcher, but the batter goes first. In the end, Venditte struck out Henriquez in four pitches. (According to this article, that was close to the right call.)

Let's learn more about Mr. Venditte, shall we? First of all, he was homeschooled. (Had to point that out, don't ya know?) His dad trained him to be ambidextrous starting in toddlerhood. By the time he began playing organized sports, he could kick and throw from either side with ease. He switch-pitched at Creighton University, and was drafted by the Yankees (twice). He made his first appearance as a (minor league) Yankee on June 19th, where the switch tango took place.

*According to ESPN, Venditte isn't the first switch-pitcher in the big leagues. In the modern era, Greg A. Harris switched once. In the 1880s and '90s, three pitchers were known to switch pitch.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

If you read the rest of Dr. King's speech, you'll see just how far we've come in race relations since he gave the speech in 1963. There is still prejudice (that goes both ways), but it is so different than it once was.

You wouldn't know that, though, if you listened to Senator Obama's remarks recently:

"It is going to be very difficult for Republicans to run on their stewardship of the economy or their outstanding foreign policy," Obama told a fundraiser in Jacksonville, Florida. "We know what kind of campaign they're going to run. They're going to try to make you afraid.

"They're going to try to make you afraid of me. He's young and inexperienced and he's got a funny name. And did I mention he's black?"

He said he was also set for Republicans to say "he's got a feisty wife," in trying to attack his wife Michelle.

"We know the strategy because they've already shown their cards. Ultimately I think the American people recognize that old stuff hasn't moved us forward. That old stuff just divides us," he said.

Wow. Let's break this down, ok?

• "It is going to be very difficult for Republicans to run on their stewardship of the economy or their outstanding foreign policy" Congress (whether or not it's really their Constitutionally granted job) is to blame for the crappy economy (threatening to roll back tax cuts and pass assinine legislation makes investors nervous). The President's foreign policy is suspect only in that he didn't take a tough enough stance when he had the chance. Besides, it's the foreign governments who don't like us, not the general populace in other countries.)
• “We know what kind of campaign they’re going to run. They’re going to try to make you afraid." Afraid of your socialist (at best) agenda, maybe. Afraid of you as a person? Not so much.
• “They’re going to try to make you afraid of me. He’s young and inexperienced and he’s got a funny name." uh... he is young and inexperienced. How is that pandering to fears? It's the truth. In another candidate, it might just be an asset. In Obama? Not so much. As for his "funny name," I don't really give a flip if his dad was Muslim or Hindu or whatever. His liberal policies will end up supporting radical Islam in the Middle East and around the world, no matter how he worships. And, I'd like to point out that it was the Hillary Clinton campaign that leaked the photos of Obama in African clothes, not the GOP.
• "And did I mention he’s black?” He is? Who knew? I mean, it's not like his campaign hasn't been shouting it from the rooftops at every opportunity. His presumptive opponent, Senator McCain, has been intentionally avoiding the race issue, and has come down pretty hard on anyone who brings it up.
  
• He said he was also set for Republicans to say "he's got a feisty wife," in trying to attack his wife Michelle. She's the one who promotes many of her husband's socialist ideals. She's the one who has put herself out there for public scrutiny. She's the one who is "really" proud of her country for the first time, not me. I've been proud of this country (but not always all of Her citizens) since Day 1.

The quote ends with this:

"We know the strategy because they've already shown their cards. Ultimately I think the American people recognize that old stuff hasn't moved us forward. That old stuff just divides us," he said.

The GOP has shown their cards? When did that happen? Was that when Bill Clinton (you remember him, don't you?) said that Obama's victory in South Carolina was strictly a racial thing? Was that when Hillary went after poor white voters late in the primaries? Or could it have been when the McCain campaign refused to comment on the Jeremiah Wright fiasco and chastizes anyone who brings up race as a divisive issue?

For years, somehow the GOP has been labeled the "racist" party. It doesn't matter that the GOP was the party that passed the Civil Rights Act in the 1960s, against the wishes of many Democrats (including "the Conscience of the Senate"). The GOP is the party who wants to get the poor out of their cycle of poverty and into the work force. The GOP is the party who wants to affirm the family (and, well... the father's role in the family). The GOP is the party that wants equality for all, both the privileged and the wanting.

I guess I might sound a bit... defensive about all of this. I've spent far too long being told that I have a certain set of beliefs because of the color of my skin or where I lived or what God I have placed my beliefs and faith in. I'm tired of being made into a villian because I look a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way. I'm sick and tired of being accused of hatred with no proof.

The GOP has shown their cards? Prove it. Show us just how racist and evil you think we really are. You just might shine the light into the corners of your own party in the process, Mr. Obama.

Found this at Hot Air. I like this guy.

Not in much of a mood to dive into the news in-depth. Too much stupidity today, I guess. Here are a few tidbits, though.

• I guess that's one way to get someone's attention.
  
• An environmentalist group endorses Obama, and it's considered news? Whatever.
  
• I'm not sure if I'd want to live somewhere if there's going to be snakes and frogs in the plumbing.
• It's an executive order, but it's a Congressional mandate. I think both (Bush and Congress) need to rescind it.
• Looks like someone dusted off their copy of the Constitution.
  
• Well, if Jeremiah Wright can do it... right?
• Curt Schilling is out for at least the season.
  
• Ice on Mars? Maybe. What does it mean? Who knows?
• Let's ask her what she thinks of universal health care, shall we?
• I guess the AMA didn't realize that only the bad guys are smoking cigars.
  
• Of all the things I think the American electorate needs to know about Barack Obama (and any other candidate, for that matter), his personal preference of board games and dislike of frozen dairy treats don't make the list.
  
• Adam tries to grow up. I'm guessing that the official Cowboys' talking points are "he's aggressive" and "he's quick."
• Well, duh. In Phoenix, I'm guessing 99.9% of illegal aliens are of a darker hue than Sheriff Joe. It just makes sense, no? And I'm also guessing that any time a person is pulled over or arrested, he checks their status, as well.
  
• A sign of the apocalypse? Nope, just politics as usual.
• I don't think I'd live there. Seriously. Most of those who want to go around nekkid really shouldn't.
• I can see why history buffs might want to take the tour. No, wait. I'm a history buff, and I'm not sure I'd want to do that. Too many other things to see and do.
  
• Everyone happy today? Well, you should be, according to a scientist who has it all figured out.
• School choice is still available in DC... at least for now.
• You know, I really hate it when I agree with OPEC.
  
• Probably not the wisest move on her part, but I can understand her fears.
• Israel has a military exercise, and US "experts" think it might be aimed at Iran. Think? No, they don't do that much.
  

Check out this New York Times op-ed piece on the two faces of Barack Obama. If only more people could really see what David Brooks is talking about. Here's a quick peek:

But as recent weeks have made clear, Barack Obama is the most split-personality politician in the country today. On the one hand, there is Dr. Barack, the high-minded, Niebuhr-quoting speechifier who spent this past winter thrilling the Scarlett Johansson set and feeling the fierce urgency of now. But then on the other side, there’s Fast Eddie Obama, the promise-breaking, tough-minded Chicago pol who’d throw you under the truck for votes.

Go. Read the whole thing. Good stuff, Mr. Brooks.

Barack Obama will have fun spinning the latest from Spike Lee.

He paused, then at quadruple the volume: “That’s gonna change, though…gonna be a real Chocolate City!” He went on to drop the news that his longtime editor Sam Pollard has been filming Obama throughout the primary season and has already captured 1,000 hours of footage for a documentary being produced by Edward Norton. When Kennedy began a question with the phrase, “If Obama’s gonna become president…”, Lee interrupted. “There is no if! It changes everything…it’s gonna be Before Obama, and After Obama. And I’m gonna be at that inauguration, too.” (emphasis mine-B)

As Gateway Pundit pointed out, what would the outcry be if McCain had said something about a "vanilla city?" But, no, Spike Lee said it, so it can't be racist. Right?

Why can it never be a song you actually like? I am so very not an Amy Winehouse fan, and I don't care if she goes to rehab or not.

I blame FoxNews. No, really. They play that stupid song every time they do an entertainment update with her in it.

I heard it on the radio, but the person who said it had no idea who to give the credit. Whoever said this is brilliant.

If you can find it in the Yellow Pages, it shouldn't be the government's job.

For those of you who live in Texas who hunger for conservatives to step up and speak up in government, I want to introduce you to Michael L. Williams, if you don't know him already. Here is the speech he gave at last weekend's Texas Republican convention.

Dang. He gets it. He really gets it. Finally, we have an articulate, confident representation of conservative ideals. It's a shame that the national leaders of the supposedly conservative major party don't get the concepts that Mr. Williams embraces wholeheartedly.

There are rumors of possible national office for him in the future. I hope that's the case. For now, I'm standing behind him as he runs for Texas Railroad Commission. That's a first step.

So... what has the electronic paper boy brought us today?

General:

• Maybe we are winning that pesky war in Iraq.
• Poor piggies... bbq, anyone?
• Is this news? Americans, in general, are gloomier than the economy. It's been that way as long as I can remember. "Well, we're doing ok, but we're worried about our neighbors" or something like that. We're not in a recession. The government made mortgage companies do stupid things that put a lot of people at risk. Other people just made stupid investment decisions. As long as the Democrats don't get control of everything and tax us to death, we'll be ok. No, really.
• Boeing isn't going away quietly after they lost the tanker bid. I fear that this may come back to bite some politicians. Not that they won't deserve it, but...
• I'm not sue-happy by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't think of anyone more worthy. He hasn't bothered to even apologize yet... not that I think he will.
• I hope my kids don't find out about this the next time they get grounded.
• I'm throwing the flag on this one. There is no way that this guy didn't know the button would be controversial.
• A lot of people in Texas will be happy if all the funds for the restoration of the Governor's mansion can be from private donation. And I really hope they arrest whoever torched it.
• Why is setting a record for energy use in a growing Texas city when the temperature is in the 90s and 100s news-worthy? And, I will scream in the general direction of the first person I hear who says that it's global warming's fault. Uh, NO! It's summer in Texas. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the Lone Star State.
• The anti-war crowd has its new poster child. And I'm throwing the flag on the dad- no conservative Republican is in favor of the draft.
• Sure, it probably makes me sound petty, but this makes me want to drive cross-country for no apparent reason today. Maybe it's because I've never lived in an area with a public transportation system worth anything. Do they exist?
• No one's surprised that G/L groups are upset that General Peter Pace is going to receive the Medal of Freedom, right? Just making sure.
  

Election '08:

• Cindy McCain's not holding back. And we're still waiting for her invitation to go on The View.
• Obama's campaign put their foot in it with the Muslim community. Oops?
• Did Obama basically say that if the military and Iraqis ask, we'd stay in Iraq? But... but... it's the evil war... isn't it?
  

Science:

• In bad science news, we have a "scientist" who thinks that global warming has caused an increase in earthquakes.
• Whale sharks "fly" through the oceans. Kinda cool.
  

Sports:

• Tiger Woods has amazing pain tolerance. And that seems like such an understatement. A torn ACL and double stress fractures? Dang... (And Jack Nicklaus is impressed... duh... )
  

Energy:

• House Democrats, who can't manage their own cafeterias, want to nationalize oil refineries. They really don't understand why there isn't more gasoline out there for us to use, do they?
• Then again, Democrats either don't understand or intentionally misstate what's going on with oil leases, so what more should we expect?
• Nice to know that Senator McCain finally figured out what many of us have known for years- we need more nuclear power plants.
• Investment tip for you- think about buying stock in ship builders. Just sayin'...
• More "not in my backyard" whiners. These are the same jerks who will whine when prices go up even more.
• Some professors are trying to confuse everyone.
  

Government Schools In Action:

• Isn't this a little like putting lipstick on a pig? (I mean, there's a reason why the boys chose to homeschool when the other option was Austin Independent School District.)
• Let's see... the government decides that it has to mandate that kids actually read and do math at their grade level (what a concept!)... school gripe about having so much more to do... teachers pay attention to low achievers and the advanced kids are ignored... scores of lower achieving kids go up, and the advanced kids' scores don't go up at the same rate... and they're surprised???? Clamoring for more money begins in 3...2...1...
• A group of young girls (most, if not all, under 16) made a pact to all get pregnant and raise their children together. The response of the school system to this obvious moral and social breakdown? More sex ed (That was in another article that I can't find now... sorry). Here's a news flash for you- they know how to avoid getting pregnant- they did this on purpose. Sex ed isn't going to help, Einstein.
  

Stupid Criminals:

• A guy wanted to buy a used truck. The salesman drove him to the bank in the "new" truck, and the guy went into the bank and robbed it. I guess the salesman really wanted to make that sale.
• Getting drunk on a plane? No big deal. Smoking during a flight? Big no-no these days. Breaking through flex-cuffs and punching a flight attendant? Bigger no-no.
  

Misc:

• Mistake? Sure. Accident? Not so much.
• Ew.
  

The Republican who had planned on running against Rep. John Murtha in this year's election was 7 signatures short of getting onto the ballot. Not to be dissuaded, he began a write-in campaign. To get on the November ballot, he needed 1000 write-in votes. He received over 4000. (In a humorous twist, he received 1000 Democrat votes to get him on their ticket, as well.)

There is a tragic lack of true conservatives in Congress today. I think we need more Representatives like Bill Russell in DC. Here's his "what I believe" section:

I am a Conservative.

I believe in the sovereignty and security of this one nation, under God. I believe the primary role of government is to provide for the common defense and a legal framework to protect families and individual liberty. I believe in rugged individualism because individuals can make far better choices than any government entity in providing for families, protecting households, choosing doctors and health care plans, and deciding which teachers and schools are best for children. I believe prosperity is best ensured by what Adam Smith called the “invisible hand” of a natural, price driven economy.

I believe that we have the responsibility and obligation to control our borders and determine who is allowed to live and work in our country.

I believe that families are the foundation stone upon which all truly great societies are built. I believe that imposed systems of wealth redistribution destroy families, produce a culture of dependence, and hurt everyone. I believe in the sanctity of life and that life begins at conception. I believe in marriage between one man and one woman and that children should always be loved and sometimes spanked. I believe that all children in our school systems should be educated in English and taught the civic duties and responsibilities of citizenship and patriotism.

I believe in private property rights and that the death tax should be killed. I believe the Consumption or Fair Tax is the best and most equitable means to ensure all persons who participate in our economy, legally or illegally, pay their fair share and to reward those who build businesses or save and invest their money.

I believe in the right to bear arms and the right of self defense. Gun control and gun free zones only ensure that victims are unarmed.

I believe that no one owes me anything just because I live and breathe. I believe we should all practice charity in some form or fashion, especially to those who are suffering and least fortunate, but it must be voluntary and spring from a spirit of altruism and love for our neighbors.

Finally, I believe there is room to acknowledge the role of our Creator in public life as stated in the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. The mention of God in the Pledge, and asking his blessings for our nation and our safety before ball games, classes, and public meetings does not constitute the establishment of a state religion and does not discriminate against anyone.

Can we clone him?

You'll notice some new subject headers in today's round-up. I'll change them around as necessary.

General:

• Unless he's being released with a GPS tracker surgically implanted (or maybe injected... you know, as part of a medical exam or something), this is just stupid.
• The devastation in Middle America due to the floods, according to some, makes Katrina look like a minor inconvenience. Will there still be people on government aid because of the floods 3 years from now? Will it all be government's fault? Just wondering...
• They say "increased arrests" like it's a bad thing.
• I guess I should be grateful that they didn't have this in Kiowa, Oklahoma.
• "Ailing" or "vigorous and animated"? Make up your mind. Not that I care all that much about him... I'm just waiting patiently until the day that I can... um... "mourn" his passing at a local Cuban restaurant with my first Mojito.
• ... aw... the bombers are "special"... how... quaint.
• The Left really doesn't understand that WE'RE AT WAR, do they?
• So... gay couples can get married in California. For now, at least. They want to keep it low key... They have a point- flamboyant ceremonies aren't going to help their cause in November. Someone better tell George to go with a nice dark suit instead of the satin gown, ok?
• I'll leave this one to the professional drivers- are bumper stickers indicative of road rage?
• Condo associations are as bad as home owners associations.
• Well... at least the call center isn't in India, right?
  

'08 Election:

• Here's an interview with Senator Obama. Go ahead and read it if you need more reasons to despise his policies.
• Speaking of Obama, McCain is right- he does sound a lot like Jimmy Carter.
• Obama is meeting with his national security advisory group today. On the agenda, after story time, they will have a snack of Goldfish crackers and apple juice, go outside for recess, and then have nap time. (The article didn't say if Tigger and Eeyore were invited to the meeting.)
  
• Michelle Obama was on The View today. When will they invite Cindy McCain to be on the show? *cue crickets*
  

Politics (other):

• President Bush isn't the only leader with poor polling results. I guess it's the cost of leadership.
• Moveon.org (nope, not going to link to it) has a new ad, where a "mom" tells Senator McCain that if he wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years, he can't her infant son, Alex. There are so many things wrong with this ad that it's not even funny. Not that it's ever stopped them before.
• Honestly, I doubt there are more than a handful of politicians who have read and really understand the Constitution. They spend most of their time ignoring or avoiding it. Leahy is at the top of that list.
  

Oil, Oil Everywhere, and Not a Drop to Use:

• USGS says that the 400 billion barrel estimate at the Bakken Formation is a bit of an exaggeration.
• President Bush wants Congress to undo the ban on offshore drilling and let each state decide. How about extending that to on-shore drilling as well, Mr. President? ANWR would be drilling in about 7.3 sec. (McCain is onboard with this. Scary when he makes sense.)
  
• Crist can pander all he wants- unless his Congress Critters change their mind, they're not drilling offshore.
• Finally something we agree on- 67% of Americans think we should drill off-shore. Obama calls McCain's endorsement of offshore drilling a flip-flop. I call it listening to your constituency. Then again, I'm not in favor of governing by focus groups, either. I guess it's just a happy coincidence that McCain and most Americans got it right this time.
• Environmentalist whackos are upset because oil companies can "annoy" and "harass" polar bears. Get over it, morons. (Why are polar bears on the endangered species list, anyway? Their numbers are GOING UP.)
  

Sports (The Not A Big Fan Edition):

• I'm not a fan of the NBA- too many thugs for me. I guess that's why the Celtics' win makes me smile. They have the few remaining good guys.
• Soriano wants to get back on the field before the All Star Break. Nah... he needs make sure it's healed... right? (Nope, not a Cubbies fan.)
  
• I'm still trying to figure out why the Sonics would want to move to OKC. Makes no sense to me.
• I'm not a big Chad Johnson fan, but... ouch.
• Tiger's out for the year. (Seriously not a golf fan.)
  
• Walker is still in the hospital. Who intentionally mugs a NFL player???? Must be some big muggers.) (UPDATE: he's out of the hospital now. As for the "not a fan" meme... um... uh...I'm not a football... hmmm... Raiders... huh... A Ha!!! I'm not a fan of muggers. They're bad guys.)
  
• I'm not a tennis fan, either, but I'm curious to see if Nadal can beat Federer.
• What if you had a baseball game and no one was allowed to come? (You're not going to make me stretch for a "not fan" are you??? dang... ok... um... I'm not a fan of quiet stadiums? How was that?)
  

Science:

• Tonight's the night to see the lunar illusion.
• Sweet! Pour me another cup.
• Speaking of coffee... how much did this research cost? Anyone who has a coffee pot with a timer could have told them that.
• Astronomy not-news.
• Since sun-spot activity is supposed be down during this cycle, I guess this means that GPS systems will work just fine for a while.
  

Those Wonderful Government Schools:

• Let's see... we'll combine a public school, child protective services, and a psychic, and let's see what we get. Lovely... (Yes, I know it's in Canada. Do you really think it would be different in the US?)
• Here's one dad who definitely has the right idea.
• What a way to celebrate your graduation- getting shot in the back.
  

Stupid Criminals:

• Robbing a child's lemonade stand? Talk about scum of the earth.
• If you're going to set someone on fire, you might want to do it somewhere besides in front of a police headquarters.
• Having snake-sat a python, I can provide some "expert" advice on this one... pythons don't respond to commands very well.
• uh... um... eeeeewwwwwwwwwwww. Desperate times and all that, I guess. And I suppose that whoever that heroine was intended for wouldn't care where it had been before, right?
  

Misc:

• How bad a politician do you have to be to get the electorate to vote for your dead opponent?
• If people are so worried that their children might see a nude sun bather, maybe they should take their kids to the "non-nude beach." Just a thought...
• Might I suggest prime rib? Some burgers? Pot roast with potatoes and carrots?
• Talk about bad timing.
• Tula Ellice Finklea has passed away at the age of 86. You might know her better as Cyd Charisse.
• Talk about low voter turn-out.
• Why does this stuff always happen in Asia?
  

Click Image To View Full Size



Capt. Jamie Riddle(Left) and an Iraqi Flight Instructor School student walk to the flightline before a recent mission at Kirkuk Air Base, Iraq. The Iraqi air force recently established the school for Iraqi pilots. Captain Riddle is an instructor pilot with the 52nd Flying Training Squadron

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Have Every Right To Dream Heroic Dreams. Those Who Say That We're In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don't Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Last weekend was the Texas Republican Convention in Houston. I wish I could have been there. Maybe next time.

One of the big hits of the convention, if you ask those who were there, was the video introduction of Senator John Cornyn. Here it is:

Looks like the perfect set up for a conservative candidate, no? Several people have posted on how good it was. I agree. It was a fun little intro for Senator Cornyn.

Of course, not everyone liked it. Most of those people, btw, aren't big fans of Senator Cornyn anyway. They tend to be from the far end of the other side of the aisle. Here's a link to a few of the detractors.

Let's see. Karl thought it was ridiculous. Evan thought it was corny. Someone from the HuffPo thought it made Cornyn look like a "dull-witted rodeo clown." You can read the rest of the comments if you really want to. They're quite hateful, actually.

Honestly, the Left's response isn't surprising. They, as a rule, has no real sense of humor (unless it's humor intended to belittle someone other than themselves) and despise anything and everything that reminds us of Texas' independent, tough image. It stands to reason that an image of a real leader, unafraid to get dirty, would make them upset. They much prefer their leaders to drink lattes and worry about the price of arugala. It makes perfect sense that this video would ruffle their feathers.

Karl ended his post by stating that, because this video is so "ridiculous", people should support Senator Cornyn's opponent. I know that politics can be serious business, but... to paraphrase, "Lighten up, Karl."

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Hope you have a great day!

Tim Russert, host of NBC's Meet the Press and big player in politics and media, passed away today. He was 58 years old.

Tim Russert, host of NBC's "Meet the Press" and its Washington bureau chief collapsed and died at work Friday after suffering an apparent heart attack. He was 58

Russert, of Buffalo, N.Y., took the helm of the Sunday news show in December 1991 and turned it into the most widely watched program of its type in the nation. His signature trait there was an unrelenting style of questioning, sparing none of the politicians, business giants and even sports figures who appeared on his show.

Washingtonian magazine once dubbed Russert the best journalist in town, and described "Meet the Press" as "the most interesting and important hour on television.

He also wrote best-selling books, "Big Russ and Me," in 2004, and "Wisdom of our Fathers," in 2006.

This year, Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Russert also was a senior vice president at NBC.

Everyone speaking about him on FoxNews right now is talking about genuinely nice he was. Brent Bozell used Russert as an example of a fair, balanced and honest journalist. Those don't happen very often.

Thoughts and prayers for his family.

MORE: Recently, Mr. Russert was interviewing Terry McAuliffe, and this happened.

Expounding -- for the tenth time during the interview -- the virtues of Hillary Clinton's political tenacity, McAuliffe suggested that both his and Russert's dad would be watching her admirably from heaven... perhaps drunk.

"But it's not impossible for Hillary Clinton to win," said McAuliffe. "A lot of people have said that. Big Russ, if he were sitting here today -- nothing's impossible. Jack McAuliffe, if they were with us today, they're probably both in heaven right now Tim, probably having a scotch, looking down saying, you know what: this fight goes on. It's good for the Democratic Party. Millions of people coming out to vote, it's exciting."

Not missing a beat, Russert quickly corrected his always genial guest.

"Big Russ is in the Barcalounger still watching this," he said. "God bless him."

Thoughts and prayers for Big Russ, as well.

This is on Hot Air, and MM's site, as well. It's a video from a group called "Truth Through Action" (no, I'm not going to link to them- look them up yourself). No, you don't really want to watch the video. I'll just explain it to you. Better for you- trust me.

So, this girl sees this guy at a bar. He knocks his beer over, but he's kind of cute, so she goes home with him. She goes into the bedroom, and he goes to find her an adult beverage (I guess there's something wrong with Johnny Walker Red). After lining up his shoes at the door, he goes into the bedroom and finds her mostly disrobed. They start playing tonsil hockey, and then she sees it- the "Thanks for your support!" autographed photo from... John McCain. She freaks out, gets dressed, and runs out of the apartment. She bumps into a guy on the street and notices his donkey lapel pin. He sees her "I only sleep with Democrats" button. One presumes they live happily ever after.

There you have it. The whole video. MM summed it up with "Vote Democrat: Have more promiscuous sex!" And AP pointed out that Republicans tend to say "I won't date liberals." It's a subtle yet important distinction. In theory, conservatives (well, social conservatives, at least) are a tad more restrained when it comes to sex (or at least tend to favor monogamy and committed relationships). Liberals tend toward more libertine behavior. Yes, I'm stereotyping, but if the condom fits...

I guess I don't really have to point out just how juvenile this video is. It was produced, according to the creators, to appeal to young voters.

"We're making products that we think young voters are more likely to e-mail to their friends, to post to their friends," Sugarman told ABCNEWS.com "Our products have a message but are also entertaining as film projects, and we don't think anybody else is doing the same thing."

What message is that, exactly? Supposedly, it's that Democrats are "hip" and "cool" and Republicans are dorks, right? That's not the way I saw it. I came away from the video thinking that young adults (and I cringe as I type that word) have no moral compass and Democrats are narrow minded and unwilling to accept people that are in the least way different than themselves. But I just don't get it, I suppose.

Personally, I'm glad that liberals are keeping to themselves. I mean, if they do that, they keep the diseases to themselves, and we can be fairly confident that, due to their pro-abortion stand, they won't be adding to their ranks the old fashioned way.

Thanks to Neal Boortz, we have this link to a website that lists some of the dumber laws out there.

Some of the newest ones look like they come from the great state of Alabama.

• Bear wrestling is illegal.
  
• Incestuous marriage, on the other hand, is not.
  
• You may not be drunk on a train.
  

A quick look at Texas law shows us:

• It's illegal to sell one's eyes.
  
• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
• Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
• It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

And here are a few of my favorites:

• In Missouri (where you don't have to take driver's education, btw, to get your driver's license at 16), it is not illegal to speed. (According to this site, anyway.)
  
• In Chicago, you may not eat in a place that is on fire.
• Wisconsin has a whole bunch of odd butter-related laws.
  
• In West Virginia, whistling underwater is prohibited.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Go, see the goofiness.

Why do we still need legislatures? I mean, all the common sense laws have been written. Or ignored.

Well... flashes, really... but not quite "hot" ones...

General:

• Tragedy (in the form of a tornado) strikes a Boy Scout camp in Iowa.
• The Gang of Nine is as moronic as ever.
  
• A Utah town banned and then unbanned the bikini.
  
• This clear violation of the First Amendment (and, according to the article, the Fourteenth Amendment) is going to go down in a whimper. That's my guess, anyway.
  
• We weren't doing this already?
• The judge's son says he did it. Do we believe him? Does it matter?
  
• What in the world is President Bush thinking???
• If you're planning on heading to Beijing for the Olympics, you should probably read the rules first.
• Some constitutional issues for your day.
  
• JUST SAY NO!!!!!!! Keep it in the USA.
  
• What does Planned Parenthood and the War on Terror have in common? Obviously something or they wouldn't put the two together in a war supplemental spending bill... right?
  
• The Fairness Doctrine... making it "fair" for those who can't succeed on their own. Marketplace forces are a beautiful thing, people...
• Wow! Look at PETA being... well, PETA. My question- butter or tomato based sauce with that? (I kid... I kid... it looks to tough to be good eats... I'll stick with beef... or chicken... maybe some pork...)
  
• So... you should only encourage someone to bike to work if you want them dead... right?
  

Politics:

• If Ron Paul is having his own little convention, then what happened to the plan to get the Paultards into the GOP convention as delegates to mix things up? Or was that just at the state level? (Here's a video interview with Dr. Paul. It's not a convention, it's a "rally". He's a little confused about the "conservative wing"- conservatives want everything he said- too bad he and his bots don't.)
  
• The House has kicked Kucinich's effort to impeach Bush aside.
  
• Sometimes unlikely rumors make conservatives look desperate. The Obama campaign can make them look silly easily enough. But, will they?
• Not everyone feels like endorsing their party's candidate.
  
• Maybe the Germans should not try comedy. It's not their strong point, obviously.
• The DNC is moving to the Windy City. Makes it easy to register the dead people up there, I guess.
  
• You think I'm joking about registering dead people to vote, don't you? Well, they haven't been caught doing it in Chicago (lately), but they were caught in Louisiana.
  
• Personal responsibility means so little to Obama. But we knew that. If you get a credit card, you know what you're doing and it is all your fault. Sorry. Just the way it is.)
  
• And here's Obama securing his Planned Parenthood base.
  
• Roy Blunt has some new graphs.
  

Science:

• A rough way to start your life.
  
• The remains of the oldest known Christian church may have been found.
  
• What in the world is a plutoid, anyway?
  
• That's not how I imagined unicorns would look.
  

Sports:

• When push comes to shove, I think this will hurt the Cubbies more than this will hurt the Cards.
  
• $10 million dollars really doesn't seem like that much, in this case, at least.
  

Brave New Schools:

• You know, my kids have to be clean shaven at their school, too. Mostly because they only have enough facial hair to look a little goofy. When they get something vaguely resembling uniform growth, their teacher may reconsider. Or maybe not.
  
• My kids' teacher doesn't need a tracking device to make sure her students are in school. She just needs to wander into the next room and check up on them.
  

Misc:

• While I understand the concept, I still think this is a little... odd. And, for some reason, I think the people left behind after the rapture will be a little too busy dealing with End Times stuff to check their e-mail.
  
• Here's your "not-quite-high-speed" chase of the day.
• And we have yet another stupid criminal. They chose... poorly.
  
• Nope, she's not going to have enough issues for a subscription when she grows up.
  

In case you're wondering, I get my news information from these links. And these. And once in awhile, I get them from these. If I use any of this last group of links (or any other blog), I cite them separately.

From time to time, I've included a stupid criminal or two in my news round-ups posts (which should probably return next week, if there is anything actually, you know, newsworthy going on). Today, I present a criminal so stupid that he gets his own post.

This is the moment when a mugger provided police with an unmistakable clue to his identity - by admiring his reflection in the lens of a CCTV camera.

The image shows the thief moments after he had stolen a £200 silver necklace and bracelet from a 16-year-old boy.

Rather than escape, he decided to try on the jewellery, apparently unaware - or unconcerned - that he was being filmed by the camera he was gazing into.

God love his pointy little head...

Omnibus Driver gave me this link, and it is good for a chuckle. It's also kind of scary. You might want to put down the diet Coke first.

Army Spc. Jeffrey A. Williams
20 years old from Warrenville, Illinois
Support Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment
September 5, 2005


SPC. Jeffery A. Williams was killed in action when an IED was detonated near his combat patrol in Tal Afar, Iraq.

Your time with us was far too short
Dealing with your loss will be hard,
When I think about what this world has lost
I want to just shut out the world and cry,
But I will not do that.
Because you gave your life for something much greater than you or I
So, I will remember you as the Hero that you are
And never let what you did in your life cut short be forgotten
And that is the best way I know to honor you

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

I'm 99% sure that my (few) readers are not on the Obamessiah bandwagon, so this link-dump might tell you a whole lot that you already know. This doesn't go all the way back to his Marxist ideologies or his socialist agenda. This is just a link-dump of all the stuff I've seen on blogs this morning, from questionable material on his campaign site to gaffes to a flat tire. I'll do this from time to time, if for no other reason than to remind people who the Dems feel is the best candidate for the job.

To start off with, Charles has been busy searching the Obama website so we don't have to . Thanks, Charles! (And this wasn't one of the links to the campaign website, but Charles also has this must see video of Obama's plans for our nation's security. Scary!)

Next, we have several links to Gateway Pundit. Some of them talk about some of the same information as Charles' links, but they are still good reads. (This link to a bunch of gaffes is good.)

That's from two websites. This is going to be a long election season...

As an aside, how many of you noticed that Hillary didn't release her delegates? Anyone want to guess why?

Xran once again does what he does best- simplifies the complicated. This time- oil prices. (One almost NSFW photo... almost...)

You know... if they're going to keep making sense like this, I may just welcome our future overlords...

On this date in 632, Mohammad died in Medina.

So... do Muslims celebrate or mourn today? Do we care?

... in 1944, Operation Overlord began. Most of you know it as D Day, the day Allied forces landed at Normandy. Over 150,000 troops landed on the beaches that day alone, and by the end of June, over 800,000 troops were involved in the invasion. Over 9000 allied troops were killed or wounded. It signaled the beginning of the end for the Third Reich.

Here is General Eisenhower's message sent just prior to the invasion (click on link to listen):

Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force! You are about to embark upon a great crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers in arms on other fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle hardened, he will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man to man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our home fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to victory!

I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory!

Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessings of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.

-- Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower

And here is the prayer that was offered by President Roosevelt on that day (click link to listen):

“My Fellow Americans:
“Last night, when I spoke with you about the fall of Rome, I knew at that moment that troops of the United States and our Allies were crossing the Channel in another and greater operation. It has come to pass with success thus far.
“And so, in this poignant hour, I ask you to join with me in prayer:
“Almighty God: Our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity.
“Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.
“They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. For the enemy is strong. He may hurl back our forces. Success may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we know that by Thy grace, and by the righteousness of our cause, our sons will triumph.
“They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest -- until the victory is won. The darkness will be rent by noise and flame. Men's souls will be shaken with the violences of war.
“For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and goodwill among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home.
“Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.
“And for us at home -- fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas, whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them -- help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice.
“Many people have urged that I call the nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.
“Give us strength, too -- strength in our daily tasks, to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our armed forces.
“And let our hearts be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear sorrows that may come, to impart our courage unto our sons wheresoever they may be.
“And, O Lord, give us faith. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our united crusade. Let not the keenness of our spirit ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of temporal matters of but fleeting moment -- let not these deter us in our unconquerable purpose.
“With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogances. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace -- a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil.
“Thy will be done, Almighty God.
“Amen.”

May their service and the service of those who serve today never be forgotten.

Listening to Hugh Hewitt yesterday (a rare treat), I found out about Captain Jason Lynn's marathon aspirations. He's running to raise money for Hope for the Warriors.

For those of you who may not know me and heard about this fundraiser through friends of friends, I'm an Apache Helicopter Pilot currently serving my second tour of duty in Iraq. Running a marathon is something I have wanted to do for several years but haven't had a motivating purpose to make me take training seriously. Now I do! During this deployment, my Battalion lost a very special Soldier, SPC Michael Brown. More recently, one of my best friends from West Point suffered a near fatal injury during an enemy attack on his convoy that resulted in the death of one of his Soldiers, SPC Arturo-Huerta Cruz. These events have inspired me to begin this fundraiser in honor of them and for an organization that benefits ALL fallen/wounded Soldiers and their Families. I am in contact with H4TW discussing the possibility of ensuring a portion of the money raised goes directly to both SPC Brown's and SPC Cruz's Family. H4TW will do what they can in accordance with their mission and following the guidelines set forth by their board of directors to help ensure that happens. As I would expect from my good friend, knowing the quality guy that he is and what he stands for, he has asked not to receive any benefits from this, instead for any support received to be directed to his Soldier's family.

If you can help out, this definitely seems like a good cause.

Some of these are good. Some, not so much.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

No matter how much I care, some people are just jerks.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity.

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.

If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.

I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you definitely need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the rest of the world.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. You should live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

If you lend someone twenty dollars and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

No one is listening until you fart.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

Never wrestle with a pig: you both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent..

No books will be as good as the ones you loved as a child.

Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables: get someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Never give yourself a haircut after 3 martinis, or 3 margaritas, or 3 shots of tequila.

When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "Woo hoo! What a ride!"

The trouble with life is you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way.